As the only member of my family to join the Church, I have learned some helpful points during the past 15 years:

- First of all, don't judge. Leave that to the Lord.- Second, never give up - especially on those we love so much. By showing our family we love them, and by including them in our lives, they will eventually begin to realize the sincerity of our feelings.

My parents felt betrayed when, at age 18, I told them I wanted to become a Mormon. My father ordered me out of the house, but the instincts of a loving mother prevailed, and I was allowed to stay.

A year later I returned from college and announced that I wanted to serve a mission for the Church. I could see wounds opening again, as they told me to do what I wanted, but not to expect any support from them.

During my mission in England I wrote my parents every week. I expressed my love for them and explained the "whats' and "whys" of what I was doing. By the end of my mission, our relationship had developed to the point where they flew over to meet me.

- Third, never forget how they feel.

Like most mothers, my mother cried the day I got married - except she shed her tears with my father while waiting outside the Los Angeles Temple. They understood how important it was to me to be sealed in the temple, but I also knew how much it hurt them not to be there with me.

- Steven M. Krolak, Kingman, Ariz.

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How we did it:

Don't compromise

Since my conversion in 1957, there have been 11 additional convert baptisms in my family. I believe there are two important keys to gospel ambassadorship in non-member families:

- Be fully active, and live the gospel. Don't compromise on such things as the Word of Wisdom and temple marriage.

- Respect your family's lifestyle and feelings. Let your light shine, but don't preach. - Terence L. Day, Pullman, Wash.

Communicate in writing

When I first left for BYU several years ago, I was the only Latter-day Saint in my family. Now, two other family members have joined the Church.

Over the years I have been away from home, I have found letter writing to be a powerful tool in communicating to my family the blessings the Lord has given me. Done through the power of the Holy Ghost, this form of testimony sharing is effective. - Stephen Lai, Provo, Utah

Listen to the Spirit

I have found being an "only member" for nearly 10 years very difficult at times and very rewarding at other times. The best advice I can give is to always listen to the Spirit. There will be times when it is best to remain silent about the Church and times when it is crucial that you speak up.

I also feel it is important to join family activities whenever possible. Immediately after your baptism, you family may feel you have abandoned them, especially if you previously were active in another church. It is important that they know you are still a member of the family, and that you still love them. - Molly Barton, Chandler, Ariz.

Emphasize similarities

My parents had a difficult time when I joined the Church in 1972. In the years since, my husband and I have tried to draw on the similarities between religions, such as strong beliefs in the importance of the family and a dependence on prayer.

We also have shared a famiy home evening lesson on appreciating grandparents with them. We attended a memorial mass for an uncle at their parish. They, in turn, came to our son's baptism.

My greeatest thrill was hearing my mother defend my membership in the Church to a man who was criticizing it. - Christa Marsee, Stockton, Calif.

Genealogy is helpful tool

I have found a wonderful way to be a gospel ambassador to others in my family is by asking my sisters and brother to help with my genealogy work.

This accomplishes two objectives. First, it allows me to learn more about my family so I can do their temple work; and second, it gives me the opportunity to explain why genealogy is so important.

Although I have yet to see any of the members of my family baptized, I have faith that someday we will be together. Until then, I will keep seeking teaching times and continue to pray for them. - Cathy A. Ross, Offutt AFB, Neb.

Watch general conference

A simple, but effective, way to be a gospel ambassador to family members is to inform them when general conference will be televised.

Viewing conference is an influential, non-threatening way to have the gospel touch their lives. Be available after the sessions to answer questions. - Mark Mason, Longmont, Colo.

Utilize the written word

I joined the Church in 1977. My parents did not mind, never having been religious themselves. But my oral expressions concerning the gospel fell on deaf ears of other family members - including sisters who served Protestant missions and a brother-in-law who is a minister.

I decided several years ago to let the written word work in my place and sent gift subscriptions to the Church News and Church magazines to my family. As they read about the happenings in the Church, they are slowly coming to understand the gospel.

I also have introduced the gospel to my extended family by organizing genealogical and family history efforts. - Mike Robinson, San Marcos, Texas

Example is the key

When I first joined the Church, I had a very difficult time explaining the gospel to my non-member family. I was enthusiastic and excited about it and wanted badly to let them know what I knew. But they did not care and did not want to listen.

I came to the conclusion that for me to be a missionary to my family, I had to set the right example. I made sure we did several things:

- Said a blessing on every meal.

- Served them with love and kindness, no matter how they reacted.

- Lived gospel principles to the fullest.

I have found that by doing these things, I did not have to "preach" and scare them away. - Nancy A. Alexander, Nuernberg, West Germany.

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How to checklist:

1 Don't compromise principles, but don't judge or criticize.

2 Involve family in genealogy and family history efforts.

3 Pray for family members, and cheerfully serve them.

4 Respect your family's lifestyle and feelings.

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WRITE TO US:

July 23 "How to overcome the negative aspects of jealousy."

July 30 "How to keep your career from dominating your life."

Aug. 6 "How to keep children from quarreling."

Aug. 13 "How to care for aged parents."

Aug. 20 "How to make the dinner hour a family time."

Aug. 27 "How to encourage and increase reverence in Church meetings."

Sept. 3 "How to overcome an addiction to TV sports."

Sept. 10 "How to appreciate and preserve the beauties of nature."

Sept. 17 "How to supplement the family income without leaving the home."

Sept. 24 "How to resolve disputes without litigation."

Have you had good experiences or practical success in any of the above subjects? Share them with our readers in about 100-150 words. Write the "How-to" editor, Church News, P.O. Box 1257, Salt Lake City, Utah 84110. Contributions may be edited or excerpted and will not be returned. Material must be received at least 12 days before publication date.