"Despite all new inventions and modern designs, fads and fetishes, no one has yet invented, or will ever invent, a satisfying substitute for one's own family." (Dr. Stuart E. Rosenberg, The Road to Confidence.)

This quote, as cited by President Thomas S. Monson during the October 1991 general conference, aptly sums up the important role of families, which are honored annually in the United States by presidential proclamation during the week of Thanksgiving. This year, National Family Week is Nov. 24-30. (Please see the accompanying statement by the First Presidency.)Countless speeches have been given and volumes written on families, some heaping praise on this basic unit of society and others cautioning about perils that exist or lie ahead.

President Ezra Taft Benson, for example, said: "The family is the most effective place to instill lasting values in its members. Where family life is strong and based on principles and practices of the gospel of Jesus Christ, . . . problems do not as readily appear." (October 1982 general conference.)

Perhaps the quote Latter-day Saints cite most often about families is contained in a statement that President David O. McKay made in an April 1964 general conference address:

"When one puts business or pleasure above his home, he that moment starts to downgrade to soul-weakness. When the club becomes more attractive to any man than his home, it is time for him to confess in bitter shame that he has failed to measure up to the supreme opportunity of his life and flunked in the final test of true manhood. No other success can compensate for failure in the home. The poorest shack in which love prevails over a united family is of greater value to God and future humanity than any other riches. In such a home God can work miracles and will work miracles."

Terry Olson, a professor in BYU's Family Sciences Department, has observed families from a professional standpoint for about 25 years. He offers this viewpoint:

"I've noticed that parents continue to be dismayed that the values in the neighborhood, school or community don't seem to support the family like they used to. Some parents realize this and start working harder to teach their children and help their children promote their own future. Other parents seem to be swallowed up by what they fear.

"The crisis in families is more of personal confidence than it is of competence. Many parents feel overwhelmed or doubt their abilities to meet the challenges, but ability is always secondary to willingness.

"We live in an age where there are experts on everything. For some parents, that can be intimidating. They lose confidence in what they could do in their families because they don't feel they are experts. They listen to experts in the media, at lectures and even at Church.

When they encounter people who seem to know more than they do, they feel incompetent.

"Parents should remember that the first thing they have going for them in their family is their love for and commitment to their children. No expert can match that. It's the commitment to the well-being of the next generation that gives parents a foundation of confidence that they can do their best, be willing to do what it takes to help nurture children and bless them."

Dr. Olson further said, "We [society at largeT are recognizing we have no substitute for the family. When we have abandoned children, orphans, children whose own parents have pitifully abused them, what do we do with these children? We try to find another family. It may be that people are beginning to realize that the magic of family life isn't just in the structure; it's in the quality of life lived by those in the family."

He further said it is within the family "where we learn what it takes to be human, where people can teach us, forgive us, help us, and bless us. The family performs those functions in ways that no other agency will be able to do."

David L. and Joye J. Griffin of the Farmington 9th Ward, Farmington Utah South Stake, try to exemplify the ideals of home and family taught by Church leaders.

"I didn't have any fears about becoming a parent because I had the doctrine of the Church behind me," said Brother Griffin, father of three sons, ages 11, 9 and 5. "With the teachings of the Church and all the tools it gave me when I was a boy and now in manhood, I don't fear rearing children. I fear some things I see out there, but I think what we do with our children through work and play and what we teach them will help us be well balanced."

He said he learned a major portion about parenthood from his father and mother, R. Alton and LueDean Griffin. "From her, I learned the softness of love, the ability to not be afraid to show emotions. My mother is a great organizer; I learned neatness from her.

"I learned from my father about sticking to a task, about will power and the inner drive. He taught me about stamina."

Brother and Sister Griffin said they feel the biggest challenge parents face is time. They feel parents must take or make time to keep a relationship with their children. The Griffins are believers in "hands on time."

"We get down on their level and play with them," he said. "I don't mind getting dirty while wrestling with my sons on the grass or riding horses. Joye will step right in and do anything athletic the boys want to do. I see parents who don't get down on their children's level and play with them, and then they wonder why they have a generation gap. Parents must come down to a child on his level, because the child can't come up to the parents on their level."

Sister Griffin said, "I'm lucky in that I don't have to work outside the home so I can be home with my children. I know there are mothers who have to work outside the home and I empathize with them.

"My mother (Annette L. Jardine) was always there for us. She could have done a lot more outside the home while my sisters and I were growing up, but her main goal in life was to raise her daughters."

Sister Griffin advocates daily scripture reading and family prayer. "Our reading is not a long, drawn-out process; it's just a few minutes, but we feel those few minutes will help give our sons a good balance for the whole day, for whatever else will come."

She said her philosophy of being a good parent is summed up in Alma 53:20-21:

"And they were all young men, and they were exceedingly valiant for courage; and also for strength and activity; but behold, this was not all - they were men who were true at all times in whatsoever thing they were entrusted.

"Yea, they were men of truth and soberness, for they had been taught to keep the commandments of God and to walk uprightly before him." - Gerry Avant

Sudden widowhood brought new burdens

IDAHO FALLS, IDAHO\ Linda W. Williams doesn't find being a single parent of seven children easy, but she's guiding her family in the way she finds most simple.

She and her husband, Gerald, were married more than 19 years before he died of cancer Oct. 12, 1987, at age 44. Sister Williams surmised they were together long enough before his death to set their family's course in life.

"We were a family that went to Church and had family home evening and scripture study. I just tried to continue on that track," she told the Church News. "I wanted my family to gain their own testimonies and accept the gospel. Every family still has their problems, but I feel we're headed in the right direction. We keep heading down the road to be an eternal family. We want to be together again and we take that road to get there."

Sister Williams finds comfort in her children as all are active in the Church. They include Tom, 22; Matt, 21; Katie, 17; Christy, 16; James, 13; Scott, 9; and Rachel, 7. They are members of the Idaho Falls 30th Ward, Idaho Falls Idaho West Stake.

Sister Williams never thought she'd be raising her children alone, as her husband's illness was unexpected and brief. Her greatest challenges, she related, are "discipline and doing everything - and the loneliness gets me."

Matt, who returned from the Brazil Brasilia Mission last September, explained that the job load around the home changed after his father's death. "We just had to get used to doing things we didn't have to before," he said.

But the greatest challenge the family faced was the loss of a loving husband and father. Matt recalled how his father and mother always watched the children participate in school sports. "One night [after his father's deathT I started walking toward my parents' bedroom for the after-game talk. I realized, `He's not here.' That's the stuff we miss."

Matt continued: "Even though Dad was gone, Mom was still there at the ball games. She still took us shopping. She still did it all. She was willing to sacrifice to help us out."

But this family faces their challenges together.

Tom said family members are involved in each other's activities. "We're so nvolved," he related, "we kind of forget our problems."

Sister Williams shared her key to rearing her children: "I do every day one day at a time. Some days are easier than others. I had to go through all the stages of grief."

Her advice to others is simple: "Don't give up."

Matt expressed the family's sentiments: "Don't make challenges appear to be anything out of the ordinary. Being a single-parent family doesn't change the way we get through our problems." - Julie A. Dockstader

`We cried a lot but it was worth it all'

SPRINGVILLE, UTAH\ Not every family in the Church is a two-parent, one-marriage family.

Take Scott and Susan Richey and their children, for example.

The Richeys were each married previously. She brought three young children into their marriage and they've since had three additional children.

Although theirs is a combined family, most people don't guess that because they've become so unified.

It wasn't always so.

"We prayed a lot and cried a lot, but it was worth it all," Sister Richey said of their adjustment. "We never used terms like "step-" or "your" or "mine" - none of that. They are all our children."

She added, "The Lord loves families and He brought a lot of miracles so we could be united as a family and bonded together. We had to sacrifice so much, and learn to compromise and change."

One example of the tough moments came a short time after they were married. One the children deliberately flushed a new bar of soap down the toilet, which became plugged.

"I had to stand back and watch as my husband disciplined the child," she said. "I knew if I stood back and waited that we'd all bond, but if I interceded we might not.

"We had been married four months. I was pregnant and sick. We all had to watch as my husband took apart the toilet to unplug it. At the time it was very traumatic, but things worked out just fine."

Since that time the couple has been sealed in the temple and the children have been adopted and sealed. "We made some mistakes, but things fell into place. Scott has been a very good friend as well as a very good role model for the children. This has been a joyful experience."

The Richey family holds regular family home evenings, and reads the scriptures every day at 6:30 a.m. They also enjoy activities such as roller skating, canoeing, singing and reading. Sometimes they wrestle and tease.

"I don't think our family is much different," she said. "We just had to put a family together.

"I talk about it freely. There are so many families like us who I don't want to feel odd or left out. I want others to know they can have hope just the same as an idealistic Mormon family."

Sister Richey volunteers at the local junior high school to work with children whose parents are going though a divorce. She said that their children have empathy for others who have had similar experiences. "They had to learn and grow. They are who they are because of what they've been through."

One thing sets them apart, she said. "None of them ever wants to be divorced." - John L. Hart

Four generations live in harmony

INGLEWOOD, CALIF.\ The Rafael and Maria Moreno family of the Inglewood 2nd Ward, West Huntington Park California Stake, have found that blessings accompany trials.

Their household is a large one that includes a grandfather, married children and grandchildren.

"There is a place in our home for everyone who wants to come," said Sister Moreno.

She explained that her father-in-law was not a member of the Church when he arrived, but after being with the family for a few months, he asked for baptism.

The Morenos find strength in holding regular family prayer and scripture study, which has created a gospel atmosphere in the home. Family prayer, at 6:30 in the morning, and in the evenings, and scripture study are a part of each day.

"We assemble everyone, and afterward we eat our breakfast," Sister Moreno explained.

Sister Moreno said she and Rafael Moreno met in Mexico City. Her previous husband had left her and their seven small children. At the time, they had few possessions and she struggled to provide food for them.

"Other men do not want to date a woman who has even one child," she said. "But he [RafaelT loved me even though I had small children, children who were always hungry."

After their marriage, the couple managed to provide for the children and gradually improved their situation. They joined the Church 12 years ago in Mexico.

But many challenges have come. Once when their youngest son was 6, he was riding his bicycle along a street near their home. A man rushed up and beat and choked the child and took his bicycle. The child fell hard to the pavement and bumped his head.

"I took him to the doctor to see if he was all right," recalled Sister Moreno. "He was fine. I knew the Lord had protected him."

Brother Moreno worked very hard and sent the children to school. "He told me not to work any more but to stay in the home," said Sister Moreno. He later supported three children on missions.

"All the children love him very much. He is a very patient, peaceful man. He said, `By work and by example, I will earn their love. I don't want any of them to be distant from me.'

"Now this past Saturday, we entered the temple and we were sealed to the oldest one, Ruben.

"Now all are sealed together. I know how happy I am. Now, we can be an eternal family." - John L. Hart