An attractive, apparently genteel woman visited an office and pleasantly discussed a subject of general interest. Then, as some obstacle to her plan appeared, she uttered an all-too-common vulgarity.

No one seemed to notice the vulgarity. Those in the office may have been sensitive to her feelings; perhaps they didn't want to register shock or surprise. But on the other hand, what if vulgarities have become so commonplace that no one notices? And if we notice, how do we respond?On a greater scale, how do we respond to what has become an ever-greater coarsening of society?

We have only to turn a knob on the television set to hear some profanity, some vulgarity, some innuendo, carried by the magic of modern electronics. We only need to be in public a short while to hear comments of the same low spirit. And are some of these offensive phrases being used in the home?

President David O. McKay, speaking in the April 1955 general conference, decried those who "pollute the home atmosphere with `vulgarity' and `profanity.' I use the term `vulgarity' in the sense used by David Starr Jordan. `To be vulgar,' he writes, `is to do that which is not the best of its kind. It is to do poor things in poor ways, and to be satisfied with that. . . . It is vulgar to wear dirty linen when one is not engaged in dirty work. It is vulgar to like poor music. . . . To find amusement in trashy novels, to enjoy vulgar theatres, to find pleasure in cheap jokes, to tolerate coarseness and looseness in any of its myriad forms.' "

Refinement, by contrast, has a positive impact, according to President Spencer W. Kimball.

Speaking in the October 1975 general conference, he said: "In any community or personal situation, it is refreshing and uplifting to see men and women who think, speak, and act with propriety. Good manners are necessary for the decency and peace of community living and should be a matter of grave concern to all. . . .

"Courtesy is at its best when it is least obvious. Courtesy is not the invention of a past generation; rather, it is but a long-standing manner of life."

President Gordon B. Hinckley, speaking in the October 1987 general conference, observed, "In our dialogues with others we must be an example of the believer. Conversation is the substance of friendly social activity. It can be happy. It can be light. It can be earnest. It can be funny. But it must not be salty, or uncouth, or foul if one is in sincerity a believer in Christ."

He also lamented the all-too-prevalent contrast.

"Conversations I have had with school principals and students lead me to the same conclusion - that even among our young people, there is an evil and growing habit of profanity and the use of foul and filthy language. . . . "

"I do not hesitate to say that it is wrong, seriously wrong, for any young man ordained to the priesthood of God to be guilty of such.

"What I fear from these reports is that the prevalent use of foul language has become an acceptable pattern in the schools, probably due in large part to the influence of TV and the general permissiveness in our society. Whatever the cause, I hope that some additional emphasis might be made to curb it, to help our youth appreciate the importance of proper language."

The media's role in society's slide into slime is obvious indeed. But some would shift all the responsibility on the media. The media, coarse as they can be, are not totally responsible. We also share some responsibility, as the media are completely at the whim of the population: Never at any time are the media blaring away in our homes except by our permission - worse, by our invitation.

Surely the media cannot be held wholly accountable for the printed material we subscribe to, or for the channel or radio frequency we turn to. Especially when more refined printed materials and other stations are generally available. And when they are not, are silence and conversation so intolerable?

Certainly a first step is to strengthen our individual character.

In the October 1981 general conference, President Hinckley commented:

"Be smart - in your appearance, in your deportment, in your manners. . . . I am suggesting that you be clean and neat in your appearance, that you be gentle in your speech, that you be courteous and respectful in your manner. . . . Whether you think it or not, you will reflect good or ill on the Church by reason of your behavior."

Our commitment to avoid the debasing trends of the world must be lifelong, as well as our commitment to seek and enjoy refining and uplifting influences. We, as members of the Church, cannot settle for anything less.