Helping elderly loved ones is a sensitive task that requires tact, diplomacy and patience. I suggest the following:

- Be kind, patient and loving as you explain several times - if necessary - what you are doing. Go slow. Avoid making anyone feel helpless or stupid because your help is needed. Try to put yourself in the other person's place. Can you even imagine how you would feel?- Realize situations change and so do needs. Be alert to the signs. In the beginning, someone might need help with balancing a checkbook - or even writing checks. Later, taking over the finances could be vital. Be sure the timing is right.

- Be aware that elderly people often become extremely possessive and protective of their assets. They need assurance that they will be taken care of for the remainder of their lives.

- Maintain detailed but simple records - with explanations where needed. Be prepared to explain your records to the individual - or any concerned family member. - Cleo Price Mollinet, Murray, Utah

*****

What we did:

Sensitive topic

Helping elderly parents or grandparents with finances can be such a sensitive topic.

If you feel there's a problem, you can enlist the help of someone outside the family, maybe a home teacher, a bishop or a friend of the family whom you trust and the elderly person trusts.

I've taught finance classes in Church to encourage people to have a grasp on their finances. One thing that is important for people of any age is to have a will. The will should specifically spell out who gets what to avoid strife in the family.

It's also important to name an executor in the will. Often, it's a good idea to name an executor who is not a member of the family. This keeps everyone objective and helps avoid hard feelings. - Alanna Farnsworth, Windsor, Vt.

Ledger sheet

The one thing I've seen in my family and in my ward, where my husband has been a bishop for a long time, is elderly people are scared that their money will run out before they die. This was really a big concern with my mother-in-law, who has been married to my father-in-law for only a few years. She is my father-in-law's second wife as my husband's mother has passed away.

I write out their checks and take care of the finances. I came upon the idea of making a ledger sheet. Their income comes from a lot of little places, like Social Security. They didn't have a good idea of how much money they had. On the ledger sheet, I list their sources of income, and on the bottom, I list their tithing and other expenses.

I also make sure she has a large sum of money in their bank account. I tried to persuade her to put more of it in savings, but I realized that before she married my father-in-law, she had been very independent and was used to larger sums of money in her checking account. This, to her, was a security blanket. In addition, she always wants my father-in-law to have some money in his pocket and some in her purse. All of this came from the way she lived before.

What I have learned is to try to do her finances the way she did them before. And a ledger sheet was the saving grace because I have something to show her concerning the finances - Barbara Seager, Corona, Calif.

Avoid fraud

- Help them with insurance. Not many older people know how to work with insurance. Sit down with them any time they have a bill or go to the doctor and help them with insurance forms and to understand what type of health insurance they have. A lot of elderly people have paid more than they should for doctor bills.

- Help them avoid fraud. Make sure they know not to give money out to people saying that they've won money, etc.

- Help them stay within their budget during holidays and birthdays. You can talk it over with them and even shop for them. - Kathy Hart, Soda Springs, Idaho

Discuss situation

My mother-in-law has Parkinson's disease and sometimes the medication she is on makes her forgetful. So my husband and his siblings are very involved with their parents' finances, without taking over entirely. They help their parents with their checkbooks and sit down with them and discuss the financial situation.

In addition, with all the new laws related to retirement, my husband researched all the information his parents needed and the related programs and financial opportunities. This way, he helped them with all the options when they retired and he keeps them up-to-date on current laws.

All these things help my parents-in-law have a sense of peace concerning their finances and help them not feel left behind. - Georgiana Young, Reedsport, Ore.

Help them budget

- Encourage wise investment. Many elderly people do not invest their money because they've never learned how. They remember their experiences during the Depression and, thus, are wary to invest. We, as younger people, should encourage them to attend seminars by qualified financial planners on how to prepare to be financially secure.

- Help them budget. We should sit down with an elderly loved one and show him or her how to plan a budget. You may need to take the time to help write the checks for monthly bills to make sure they are paid on time to avoid finance charges.

Often times with the elderly, the husband has never really showed his wife how to plan a budget. He has always taken care of the finances. It's important for each spouse to discuss the budget. This way, if the husband dies first, the wife knows how to handle the finances.

- Encourage elderly loved ones to avoid door-to-door and telephone scams and solicitations. Make the elderly aware of scams that are written about in the newspapers that might be going on in the area.

We, as younger people, sometimes assume that our elderly loved ones know how to do finances. We've got to help them understand their finances on a monthly basis. - Joy and Bruce Reese, Kinston, N.C.

*****

How to checklist:

1. Be respectful, patient; don't make them feel helpless.

2. Keep them involved; take over only when necessary.

3. Keep records, show where the money is being spent.

4. Keep up-to-date on laws; teach elderly about fraud.

*****

WRITE TO US:

Dec. 30 "How to apply the two great commandments (love of God, love of fellowman) in your life."

Jan. 6 "How to increase gospel knowledge through daily study of the Book of Mormon."

Jan 13 "How to help yourself or a loved one break the cycle of compulsive behavior."

Jan. 20 "How to help young people want to dress modestly and with dignity."

Jan. 27 "How to be more effective in your occupation."

Feb. 3 "How to help young men honor their priesthood."

Had any good experiences or practical success in any of the above subjects? Share them with our readers in about 100-150 words. Write the "How-to" editor, Church News, P.O. Box 1257, Salt Lake City, Utah 84110, send fax to (801) 237-2121 or use internet E-mail: Churchnews@desnews.com. Please include a name and phone number. Contributions may be edited or excerpted and will not be returned. Due to limited space, some contributions may not be used; those used should not be regarded as official Church doctrine or policy. Material must be received at least 12 days before publication date.