Make diversity positive. I have had trouble in the past in becoming friends with people who were different from me. I learned through associating with a sweet lady at my work that diversity can enhance and build friendship if we use it to enrich each other instead of to set us apart. Learn from the differences in culture, background, life experiences, skills and interests. We also will find that we all are more the same than we are different.

- Control stress. Sometimes we let our own stresses and problems get in the way of relationships. Use a sense of humor and a cheerful outlook in associating with others instead of allowing stress to weigh us down. A positive attitude through our problems helps us be more pleasant to be around.- Overcome shyness. When I was young I was quite shy and left myself out of many activities and associations with people I could have enjoyed. Remember that most other people are somewhat insecure about meeting new people also. Many are afraid of rejection and waiting for someone else to reach out to them. We each can be that person.

- Don't be self-conscious. Sometimes we feel like the whole world is looking at and criticizing what we do. Usually, this is not the case. Be willing to make a suggestion to do something with a friend, reach out to someone we don't know well, give a compliment or start a conversation. If we think something nice, say it. Don't worry about what others will think. Most people will accept our kindness.

Acquaintances can become friends, and existing friendships can be deepened by following these suggestions. - Karen D. Garrett, West Valley City, Utah

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How we did it:

Child of God

- Always remember that you are a special son or daughter of Heavenly Father. He knows your pain and will always love you.

- Love yourself. It's hard to love someone else if you don't love yourself first.

- Treat people as you want to be treated. Nobody likes to be picked on, made fun of or be made to feel worthless.

- Realize that if others can't or don't want to accept you, then they have the barrier that is affecting the opportunity for a wonderful friendship. As long as you try, you can't ever feel that you didn't at least give them a chance.

- Search the scriptures for the great comfort they bring. Look up all the scriptures that refer to friendship.

- Make the first move. At Church or wherever you may be, extend your hand in friendship, introduce yourself and let others know you are glad they are there.

- Remember, to have friends, be one! Remember their birthdays and anniversaries. It is a way that they will know you really do love them. - Debra Layman, Pocatello, Idaho

Time, attention

The key to overcoming personal barriers to making friends is to focus on the other person rather than yourself. Become interested in what the other person has to say. The best way to begin a friendship is to really listen actively to what someone is saying. Try to understand his or her viewpoint, and continue to pursue his or her line of conversation, inserting only when you are asked a question. This breaks down the initial barriers and helps both parties feel more comfortable. This paves the way for developing a friendship. True friendships take time and need attention. - Rosalie Davis, Farmington, Utah

Love, serve, uplift

My husband and I met when I was 14 and he was 16. He said he had never met anyone as shy as I was. Contrast this with a comment a Relief Society sister made when we moved into a new ward: "You are one of the friendliest people I've ever met." How did I change?

- I came to understand that the reason we are on earth is to make things easier for each other, to love, to serve and to uplift.

- I came to realize that others are self-conscious, too, and very few people will condemn someone for trying to be friendly.

- I prayed for help to overcome my shyness, promising the Lord I would do His work.

- I went up to people even when I was afraid to do so. Sometimes I've made some blunders, but people were generally very forgiving. I refused to give up.

- I pray every morning to be shown if there is anyone who needs my service. - Jan Dickson, Hawthorne, Calif.

Be constant

The past 15 years have been punctuated by numerous moves for me and my family. The recurring separation from friends and subsequent loneliness and newness continue to teach me much about overcoming personal barriers to making friends. I suggest the following:

- Prayerfully rely on Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, and turn to family for support while developing relationships in new wards and communities.

- Make the initial efforts. Be constant in greetings and interactions; actively offer a listening ear; be honest, trustworthy and positive; keep confidences. Be the first to offer a smile and show genuine interest.

- Be the kind of friend you would like to have.

- Remember that unrealistic expectation often yields disappointment.

- Allow time for others to get to know you and for you to get to know them.

It's tempting to wait for others to come to you, but the above efforts will yield valuable and meaningful friendships. - Catherine Sweet, Denton, Texas

Opens doors, hearts

In our case, we have a neighbor who gave us anti-Mormon literature. Now, after living by us for a year and a half and seeing us reach out to our neighbors, he brings us tomatoes from his garden. He's very sociable now. In fact, he recently gave me a business lead.

When the incident first started, it would have been easy to nurture bad feelings. But we realize we live with these people in this neighborhood. If we're adversarial, we're not going to want to come home at night. You have to work at relationships. We realize our neighbor is a good person at heart and means well. We learned that the way we live breaks down barriers and opens doors and hearts. - Jan K. Pilcher, Osteen, Fla.

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How to checklist:

Remember you're a child of God; you can't love others until you love yourself.

Treat others as you want to be treated; be kind, loving.

Make the first move; reach out to others, don't wait for them to reach out to you.

Don't nurture bad feelings or retaliate; be patient.

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Write to us:

July 15 "How to help young people learn about the legacy left by the pioneers of every land."

July 22 "How to maintain appropriate relationships among family members separated by divorce."

July 29 "How to respect the privacy of family members and/or roommates."

Aug. 5 "How to be aware of and attentive to the needs and feelings of your spouse."

Aug. 12 "How to make the transition easier both physically and emotionally when moving to a new area."

Aug. 19 "How to be enthusiastic yet wise about member-missionary work."

Had any good experiences or practical success in any of the above subjects? Share them with our readers in about 100-150 words. Write the "How-to" editor, Church News, P.O. Box 1257, Salt Lake City, Utah 84110, or send fax to (801) 237-2121. Please include a name and phone number. Contributions may be edited or excerpted and will not be returned. Due to limited space, some contributions may not be used; those used should not be regarded as official Church doctrine or policy. Material must be received at least 12 days before publication date.