My husband and I have been married for a delightful eight months. Here's what we've learned so far:

- Keep an eternal perspective. Real commitment plays a large role in successfully adjusting to marriage.- Remember the peace found in knowing that God has sanctified this holy union.

- Realize faulty communication and selfish goals cause rough spots in relationships. Remember that his/her goals are just as important as yours.

- Begin to work together toward common goals before you get married.

- Learn to compromise. You're both on the same side. The key in finding happiness is when you see that the other person is happy.

- Remember that becoming at one spiritually will help you in every aspect of your new life. That's why studying the scriptures and praying together are so important.

Learning the gospel of Jesus Christ and then living it together is an ongoing process in achieving a happy and an everlasting marriage. - Sally Jones, Lima, Ohio

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How we did it:

Make commitment

Perhaps one of the greatest adjustments in marriage is the realization that marriage partners are different in many ways. No two people are the same - even in the same family with the same parental teachings; no two will come out without some differences.

A good attribute to develop is that of commitment. If this was developed through the growing-up years, it will already be there in great measure at the time of marriage.

If you make the decision to be married, you should also make the commitment to enjoy making it work and find ways to make it become celestial. This will help bring peace through any troubling times. - Virginia Terribilini, Penngrove, Calif.

Set goals

During our honeymoon, we shared our journals, the scriptures, our dreams for the future and made goals for fulfilling those dreams. As we remained committed to our goals, we found that the Lord blessed as He promised.

Early in our marriage, I spent two hours commuting daily. More often than not when I returned home, my husband, who was a busy medical student, had dinner waiting for me and the house clean. These and many other acts of kindness made me want to do something nice for him. It started a cycle from which we received the Lord's blessings, one of them being a smooth adjustment to marriage. - Melodie Head, Rexburg, Idaho

Be consistent

"Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest." (Eccl. 9:9.)

Most marriages begin joyfully and would adjust smoothly if participants would be consistent with kind and loving consideration for each other regardless of problems.

Each partner should realize a responsibility to keep their relationship harmonious, selfless and strong. We go into marriage, partners with God, to establish a stable foundation on which to launch a well-adjusted family. - Lois Dahlberg, Tacoma, Wash.

Let emotions cool

Adjusting to marriage reduces down to just two facts. Number one: You must have effective communication. Number two: You must have total internal personal self-control.

The very moment that within that communication you feel to somehow demean, demoralize, run down, accuse, pass judgment upon, excuse yourself, lie to, vent your anger on or take your spite out on your spouse, you must cease instantly. Simply let feelings and emotions cool off. Then say gently, "I love you now as in the beginning and will forever love you."

The rewards will be eternal and the daily routine of life will smooth to a constant secure feeling of love, peace and caring. All that seemed like such insurmountable problems will slowly and quietly fade away into nothingness. - Russell W. Hansen, Rigby, Idaho

Prophet's advice

On March 25, 1988, my friend and I attended a session at the Jordan River Temple. This was how we started my last day of bachelorhood. The temple session started slightly late due to the arrival of President Ezra Taft Benson and his wife, Flora.

I can still see the tender care of love he showered on his beloved as they were going through this session. I received an undeniable confirmation of true celestial marriage. As the session was ending, I thought, "I would like to ask what their secret is."

As I entered the celestial room, I shook hands with Sister Benson and then President Benson. President Benson asked me if I was getting married in the near future.

I answered, "Yes, sir, tomorrow."

President Benson then told me: "Always treat your wife as if you were in the presence of the Lord. And remember if you ever feel like having an argument, stop and ask yourself if it is worth destroying your marriage over. My wife and I have never had an argument in all of our years."

No marriage will last if you do not discuss your different points of view, but if you will follow President Benson's counsel, you will find your marriage will grow stronger every day. - Bob Steinike, Salt Lake City, Utah

Learn to compromise

When my husband and I were married in June 1989, I knew there would be many adjustments. I learned not to expect the perfect marriage, and to accept and compromise a lot of things. The biggest thing for us was communication - and still is. Four and one half years have passed, and I am still learning new things about my husband. - Amanda Garcia, Chino, Calif.

Be best friends

We were married seven months ago. We continue to have an open and honest relationship. We discuss everything from finances, child rearing, health, family relations and goal setting. The following helps:

- Pray and read scriptures together.

- Discuss and make decisions together.

- Tell each other how much we love each other.

- Use the words "we," "ours," instead of "me," "mine."

- Pay tithing even though we have had financial difficulties. The Lord continues to bless us.

- Continue to be best friends.

Marriage is not always easy. It requires dedication, prayers, perseverance, patience, love and forgiveness. - Richard and Hayley Huefner, Salt Lake City, Utah

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How to checklist:

1 Keep eternal perspective; commit to your marriage.

2 Live gospel; pray, study scriptures, attend temple.

3 Work on common goals; be patient, learn to compromise.

4 Be kind and express love to each other; be best friends.

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WRITE TO US:

Feb. 25 "How to utilize Church publications for personal study and lesson preparation."

March 4 "How to cope when a loved one dies or is incapacitated as a result of alcohol or drug abuse."

March 11 "How to move upward from spiritual plateaus."

March 18 "How to teach children the principle of sacrifice."

March 25 "How to enhance your commitment to Church service beyond the three-hour block schedule."

April 1 "How to teach children the true meaning of Easter."

April 15 "How to sustain the priesthood in the home."

Had any good experiences or practical success in any of the above subjects? Share them with our readers in about 100-150 words. Write the "How-to" editor, Church News, P.O. Box 1257, Salt Lake City, Utah 84110, or send fax to (801) 237-2121. Please include a name and phone number. Contributions may be edited or excerpted and will not be returned. Due to limited space, some contributions may not be used; those used should not be regarded as official Church doctrine or policy. Material must be received at least 12 days before publication date.