Stay balanced. Pay as much attention to the other areas of your life as you do to this adoption. I suggest the following:

- Turn to your Father in Heaven continually. He knows your longing better than anyone.- Attend the temple frequently.

- Seek priesthood blessings for strength.

- Keep the commandments.

- Spend time with supportive friends and family.

- Join a parent-support group. Develop friendships with other adoptive families.

- Avoid, if possible, people who ask questions you don't feel like answering. Learn and acknowledge your personal limits.

- Don't permit yourself to be offended by thoughtless questions.

- Grieve, be excited, acknowledge fear, and look forward with hope. You are embarking on the most glorious of experiences.

- Set the parenting, child-care and infertility books aside occasionally. Visit the library, indulge in a good novel.

- Take an extension class. Pursue one of your interests individually or as a couple.

- Keep abreast of life. Don't put it on "hold" just because you are "waiting."

- Join an aerobics or exercise class where no one knows you are "waiting." No questions will be asked while you're there.

- Be careful of your diet. Now is no time to indulge in unhealthy eating because you're "waiting" and deserve an extra treat.

- Enjoy the present. Take walks, hikes and trips together.

- Work hard; go to bed tired.

The strength and love developed by you as a couple during your wait will bless and sustain your lives for years to come. Trust me. I know! - Bessie Sanborn, Salt Lake City, Utah

*****

How we did it:

Know laws

- Talk with family members frequently about the adoption. Keeping the adoption always in mind helps.

- Keep in constant contact with your adoption agency. This way the officials will keep you in mind when a child becomes available for adoption.

- Contact other people who have adopted. Ask questions. New friendships can be made this way.

- Keep a journal. After adoption it is nice to re-read your experiences. You can share those experiences with your child.

- Keep up-to-date on state laws concerning adoption. Each state has its own laws concerning adoption. Be careful.

- Pray continually. Sometimes we think we know what is best for us, but Heavenly Father knows better.

- Stay involved with Church activities and callings.

- Never give up. Waiting for an adoption to take place can be a long process, full of a roller coaster of emotions. - Dallen and Vicki W. Fisher, Paul, Idaho

Lord's timetable

Having been married for five years before the arrival of our first adopted daughter, we experienced many of the emotions of "waiting." Anticipation, anxiety, self-doubt, depression, impatience, joyous expectation, followed by sheer disappointment, were all a part of our everyday life. It seemed that since we were doing what the Lord intended, we felt He was obligated to provide this blessing on our timetable. How wrong we were.

Looking back, with the advantage of a few years of life, and a few years as bishop, I can see how blessed we were. He knew when we were ready; He knew when His spirit child was ready to come to us.- A. John Bahr, Blue Springs, Mo.

Don't give up

You must not give up, even though there are so few babies available. If you give up on your dreams, how can they come true? The heartbreak of infertility, miscarriage and stillbirth must not destroy your faith. Remember that the deeper your sorrow, the more joy you can contain.

In addition to applying with LDS Social Services, we applied with our county, talked to attorneys about open adoption, read books, talked to birth mothers and adoptive parents, and prayed and prayed. Finally, after three years, we received "that phone call" telling us we'd been matched with a baby. - Janine Taysom, Pacifica, Calif.

Help others

The library had many books on infant care and on adoption. These were a great resource to us. We also found that when we were being of help to others the time went faster. There was always a baby to be held at Relief Society or a mother who could use a helping hand getting children to the nursery. LDS Social Services uses many volunteers, and this work is a way to get a better understanding of the unseen steps in the adoption process. - B. Ruth Morgan, Broken Arrow, Okla.

Have faith

- Be prepared with necessary baby items, but don't have a beautiful empty nursery just waiting for a baby. To walk by an empty crib/nursery day after day just causes added pain. Have the basics you'll need, but store them until you need them.

- Have faith. Your child will come. Know that Heavenly Father will not send your child to the wrong family. - Debra Barlow Radack, Sandy, Utah

Keep busy

We tried to keep ourselves busy with children around us a lot. We had a foster home and that kind of helped us to cope with the long wait that we had. We were married for eight years before the adoption of our first child. There were many times that I thought we would never get our children, but we had been told in our patriarchal blessings that children were a part of our lives. I also had a daycare in my home so that I was around children a lot. - Fenessa Little, Clinton, Iowa

Jealousy subsided

During the rigorous adoption application and interview process, we sometimes felt jealous of people who had children. Prayer, scripture study and Church attendance enabled me to overcome the negative feelings. As I focused on building my testimony, jealousy subsided completely and my trust in my Heavenly Father magnified. - Shelley M. Henningfeld, Boise, Idaho

Communicate with spouse

- Put it in God's hands. Have faith that He will help you get the child He would have in your home. Study the options and pray.

- Use your time to prepare to be the best parent you can. Study the scriptures to learn your stewardship as a parent and what the Lord expects.

- Communicate as husband and wife. Show love and consideration to each other's feelings.- Christie J. Oja, Malad, Idaho

*****

How to checklist:

1 Have faith in the Lord; develop temporally, spiritually.

2 Don't put life on hold; strengthen your marriage.

3 Know adoption laws, talk with others, read books.

4 Don't give up; remember, it's Lord's timetable, not yours.

*****

WRITE TO US:

Feb. 11 "How to smoothly adjust to marriage."

Feb. 18 "How to overcome roadblocks to personal progress."

Feb. 25 "How to utilize Church publications for personal study and lesson prepara-tion."

March 4 "How to cope when a loved one dies or is incapacitated as a result of alcohol or drug abuse."

March 11 "How to move upward from spiritual plateaus."

March 18 "How to teach children the principle of sacrifice."

Had any good experiences or practical success in any of the above subjects? Share them with our readers in about 100-150 words. Write the "How-to" editor, Church News, P.O. Box 1257, Salt Lake City, Utah 84110, or send fax to (801) 237-2121. Please include a name and phone number. Contributions may be edited or excerpted and will not be returned. Due to limited space, some contributions may not be used; those used should not be regarded as official Church doctrine or policy. Material must be received at least 12 days before publication date.