When our six children were young, we taught them the strength that a family has when they "stick" together. We used a bundle of sticks - each stick representing a member of the family. Each one tried to break the bundle, but it was impossible. One stick alone could be broken, thus showing that we need each other in the bad times as well as the good, that our strength came with supporting, caring for and loving one another.

We strengthened our family by praying and playing together and listening to each other. We taught them to never judge another, to be kind to all, to express love and respect.When trials came, the crisis at the first moment seemed too much. But then each family member brought into mind the promises of blessings when we "stick" together with an unconditional love. One child said, "Let's have prayer." Another child said, "No matter what, we are family and we will always be there for each other." This gave us courage and faith.

Together we learned that we could weather any storm, any crisis because we were family. We stuck together. We need to remember the following:

- Children need to see that when all is not well, their parents turn to Heavenly Father instead of away from Him.

- They need to see their parents doing nice things for each other instead of blaming one another for the crisis.

- They need to see and hear good, kind words and deeds, instead of "Why us?" and "What did we do to deserve this?"

- They need to see the gospel of Jesus Christ in action: faith, repentance, forgiveness, unconditional love.

- They need to know this, too, shall pass, and all will be well. - Deanna Hirz, Moses Lake, Wash.

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Additional Information

How we did it:

Include children

When my husband's debilitating and disabling problems were diagnosed, my family and I were completely devastated. It was so frightening. We were unprepared to cope or live with the problems.

At the time, my son and daughter were still children, but I was determined to be a close family. I felt the children should be included - when it was advisable - and I talked to them and explained what I could even when I didn't fully understand what was happening.

We began by seeking our Heavenly Father in prayer. Even as we prayed, I knew that I wouldn't have to carry the heavy burden of responsibility alone, and I felt stronger. Each time before making a major decision, we held a family conference to talk and pray together. Through our faith and prayers, we were blessed throughout 19 years. - Cleo Price Mollinet, Murray, Utah

Set priorities

- Turn as a family to prayer and reading the scriptures. Another thing that has helped us is listening to or reading the conference talks. There are a lot of conference messages dealing with crisis situations.

- My husband and I have spent a lot of time prioritizing our lives. If we set our priorities before a crisis happens, then when a crisis happens, we lessen the stress factors in trying to deal with the crisis.

- Don't give up. I see a lot people when faced with crisis throwing their arms up and doing nothing. They feel paralyzed. For me, I found a lot of comfort and strength and peace in continuing to do what I could within reason, especially my visiting teaching. Doing service takes the focus off of yourself and helps you realize other people are experiencing crisis.

- Have an eternal perspective. We agreed in the premortal existence to be here to learn what we need to learn. We desired and should continue to desire what our Heavenly Father's will is concerning us.

- Change the question "Why me?" to, "What is expected of us?" - Alison Mitchell, Waukesha, Wis.

Draw together

First and foremost, don't let the crisis divide the family. Instead, try to turn any crisis situation into a learning experience and an opportunity to draw the family together. This is best accomplished when there is already a pattern of togetherness and mutual support.

When crises come along - and they will - instead of asking "Why us?" we try to focus on "How are we going to cope?"

We won't be judged on the number of crises that we experience, but in how we endure them. - Judy Jenkins, Nampa, Idaho

Faith in Christ

We have found that there are some common methods which seem to help us and others that we have observed:

- Have open communication among family members. Talking about a situation helps to give a better perspective. Children can learn from older brothers and sisters and parents to take a larger view of the situation. Parents many times can learn simple faith and gain a better perspective from listening to young children express their feelings about the situation. It is important in these family discussions that personal criticism be avoided.

- Write in journals. This allows us to have introspection.

- Remember to call upon the strength and wisdom of extended family members. When we stop and realize the strength, the love, the support and the wisdom that comes from the extended family, we can find great comfort in times of crisis.

- Have an eternal perspective and intense faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. This is the only way that we can have a true sense of calmness and peace. This faith can give us a hope that these experiences have meaning and are ultimately for our own good. - Brent and Lyn Turek, Midland, Mich.

Talk about problem

The most important thing is communication. If you, as a family, can talk about the problem, you'll be OK.

In addition, keep a long-term perspective. As a family, remember any situation is not as bad as it looks immediately. - Steve Morrill, Sante Fe, Texas

Normal routine

- Share feelings as family members. Talk about feelings, doubts and concerns. Accept the concerns or doubts of other members of the family even if they don't agree with you.

- Carry on with your normal activities as much as possible. This helps keep a routine in the home and gives you strength because you realize life must go on.

- Accept help from others who offer.

- Rely on faith in gospel principles. Remember Prov. 3:5-6.

- Pray together as a family. Express your concerns in prayer so your children see that you are turning to Heavenly Father for help.

- Be as optimistic as possible; have a cheerful countenance.

- Be there for those who are hurting. Be a good listener.

- Realize that crises - or trials - are training grounds, not a punishment. - Richard Lambert, Vulcan, Alberta

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Write to us:

Jan. 28 "How to cope and be patient while waiting to adopt children."

Feb. 4 "How to enhance relationships between brothers and sisters."

Feb. 11 "How to smoothly adjust to marriage."

Feb. 18 "How to overcome roadblocks to personal progress."

Feb. 25 "How to utilize Church publications for personal study and lesson preparation."

March 4 "How to cope when a loved one dies or is incapacitated as a result of alcohol or drug abuse."

March 11 "How to move upward from spiritual plateaus."

Had any good experiences or practical success in any of the above subjects? Share them with our readers in about 100-150 words. Write the "How-to" editor, Church News, P.O. Box 1257, Salt Lake City, Utah 84110, or send fax to (801) 237-2121. Please include a name and phone number. Contributions may be edited or excerpted and will not be returned. Due to limited space, some contributions may not be used; those used should not be regarded as official Church doctrine or policy. Material must be received at least 12 days before publication date.

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How to checklist

1 Exercise faith in Christ;

have eternal perspective.

2 Draw close as family through

prayers, scripture reading.

3 Communicate as family;

respect each other's feelings.

4 Keep routine in the home

as normal as possible.