A s a young girl I dreamed that I would grow up, meet a returned missionary, marry in the temple, and have a family. Then I grew up, met that returned missionary and married in the temple. But when we set out to have children, the dream came to a quick end.

We went to doctors where tests were done, medications given, more tests, surgery, more tests, more medications, and then we would start over again. As the months of not being able to conceive turned into years, it seemed we became obsessed with the dream of having children. I had priesthood blessings, and we fasted and prayed, but nothing happened. I hated Mother's Day, and baby blessings were unbearable. Friends and family (and people I didn't even know) always had advice. "They will come, just wait." "It will happen before you know it." "I have a friend who waited eight years and then. . . ." "Have you tried. . . ?" "Why don't you. . . ?"It seemed that everything and everyone reminded me that I didn't have children. It was especially hard when my younger sister and younger sisters-in-law had babies and by best girlfriend had twins. I cried and cried. It didn't seem fair. I had a righteous desire and I was being denied the blessing of children. I was discouraged, devastated and depressed.

Then one day I was reading the book, My Neighbor, My Sister, My Friend, by Ardeth Kapp. Her husband, Heber, told her something that sank deep into my heart. He said, "You need not possess children to love them. Loving is not synonymous with possessing, and possessing is not necessarily loving. The world is filled with people to be loved, guided, taught, lifted and inspired."

My husband and I decided that if the blessing of children was going to be denied us for a while, that we would just have to love everyone else's children. I realized that my younger sister would soon have to go back to work and that she would need a babysitter two nights a week. So I volunteered for the job. I now look forward to the nights when my niece comes over to play games and read stories with us.

I prayed that if the Lord couldn't send me a child, that He would help me with my goal to love other children. I was called to work in the Primary as the Primary chorister. What a joy. For two hours every Sunday, I had not just one child but 70 children to enjoy time with. That year for the first time on Mother's Day, I cried tears of joy, instead of sorrow, as 70 children sang Mother's Day songs for me. Later I was called to be a Primary teacher with eight boys and three girls, who I have come to love very much. But that wasn't enough. I looked for more children to love. I worked hard to memorize every child's name on the street, and I still love Halloween when the children come to my house for candy.

I began to realize that the harder I worked to serve and love the children, the better I felt. Then the chance came to serve even more. Though we are young, we were called to serve in the Bountiful Utah Temple. Our favorite assignment is to attend to couples who are having their children sealed to them.

After several years we've made the tough but wonderful decision to adopt. We contacted LDS Social Services and began to take classes for parents wanting to adopt. We found out that four out of 10 couples have difficulty having children. We were not alone anymore, and we had friends to help us. Peace and hope further replaced the depression and discouragement. We used to say "If we have children," now we say "When we have children."

It's still not easy; baby blessings and Mother's Day are rough. But what a wonderful lesson the Savior has taught me, a person who thought she had lost all hope. As the Savior taught in Matt. 10:39 ". . . he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it." By losing myself in the service of the Lord's children, I have found hope.