President Gordon B. Hinckley shared four cornerstones on which to build homes as he addressed what is believed to have been the largest gathering of young LDS married couples since the early 1980s. Some 6,000 members - or 3,000 couples - from five BYU married students stakes attended a regional conference in the Marriott Center Feb. 10.

Attendance figures at the conference are indicative of the high level of Church activity in the stakes. Of the 542 invited to the priesthood leadership session Saturday evening, 533 - or 98 percent - attended. Of the 7,490 invited to the general session on Sunday morning, 6,000 - or 80 percent of members in the five stakes - were present.Participating with President Hinckley in addressing the conference were Sister Marjorie Hinckley; Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve and his wife, Patricia; and Elder James M. Paramore of the Seventy and his wife, Helen. Elder Merrill J. Bateman, a member of the Seventy and president of BYU, and his wife, Marilyn, bore their testimonies.

In his address at the meeting on Sunday, President Hinckley told the young married couples he thought he knew something of what they are going through. He spoke of challenges facing young married couples, such as limited time and money, worry about the future, questions about careers and concern for children.

"I think I know something of how you feel," President Hinckley said. "My mind goes back almost 60 years. It was the bottom of the Depression. If ever the world look dark in terms of economics it looked dark then. The unemployment rate in the state of Utah was 34 percent. We grumble now about five or six percent. I finished the university in the very bottom of the Depression. We were still in the bottom of the Depression when we were married. I had a little job with a salary of $165 per month, and we had no savings. I do not know how we had the nerve to get married. I guess we just got married because we loved one another, and we closed our eyes and jumped. But I think we did so with faith.

"We were seated in our home the other evening. The lights were low and I looked over at my wife. I looked at her hands. . . . We are getting old. We don't stand as tall as we once did. Our hands are wrinkled and the veins show and there is a little arthritis. You get that when you get in your 80s. Tears came into my eyes as I thought of our lives together, of the sorrows we have known, of the defeats we have known, of the struggles we have had, of the triumphs we have enjoyed, the glad times, the sad times, the good times, the bad times. We are still here. It reminds me of a sign on a barbed wire fence on a farm down in Texas during the Depression, which read: `Sold out by sheriff, 'et out by jackrabbits, drowned out by flood water, still here.' That is the way life is. And that is the way our lives have been."

He said he and Sister Hinckley struggled in their early years, when there was never enough money. "Those were tough times, but rich and beautiful and wonderful because we loved one another," he said. "How thankful I feel for this companion."

President Hinckley said that a woman recently wrote to him, indicating that her husband is a righteous priesthood holder who lives a Christ-like life. She wrote that her husband was kind and gentle, always finding ways to help her and their children. President Hinckley said that she noted, among other things, that her husband guides their family through family scripture study and prayers, and she praised her husband as being "just the best man!"

"I wish that every married woman in this hall today could write such a letter as that concerning her husband," President Hinckley said. "And I ought to say to you, my brethren, that if she cannot, you had better shape up and mend your ways."

President Hinckley spoke of having watched a movie, "My Fair Lady," in which Professor Henry Higgins decided he would try an experiment of finding a "harsh, tough, Cockney girl peddling flowers who spoke with an accent that was grating on the ear, and try to make a lady of her. And he did it. He passed her off as some exotic, beautiful woman at a great ball before he got through training her. After the ball he and his friend, Colonel Pickering, sat around gloating on what they had done. She overheard them and it offended her, and she said to them, `The difference between a flower girl and a lady is not in how she behaves but in how she is treated.' Great statement, brethren. Great statement."

President Hinckley further said: "There is a great statement in the Old Testament that says, `Except the Lord build the house, they labour in vain that build it.' (Ps. 127:1.) I want to talk to you a little about your homes. I do not care whether they are simple and small or fancy and large; I care about the spirit of those homes. I want to suggest some cornerstones on which to build homes, cornerstones that come of the gospel of Jesus Christ:

1. Mutual respect. "Respect one another.

HaveT that respect which comes of the knowledge that she is a daughter of God and that I am a son of God, that we are children of God, that God loves us, His children, and that if I offend her, I offend our Father in Heaven. Never forget that - mutual respect, the kind of respect that manifests itself in courtesy and kindness and patience and forgiveness and deference. . . . What a difference it would make if there were a greater measure of respect in the homes of our people.

"It is my sad responsibility to sit in judgment in the office which I hold concerning those who once loved one another, joined hands over the altar in the temple, and then for one reason or another became disillusioned, found themselves in troubled circumstances and now request a cancellation of their temple sealings. It comes . . . from selfishness in so very, very many cases. It comes of disloyalty one to another. It comes of lack of respect. I sometimes sit in the evening . . . as we read together and just look over at this little lady with whom I have been so closely associated for nearly six decades and marvel at what I see. We are just very ordinary people, but I think of her unflagging loyalty toward me and that stirs within me a desire to be unflagging in my loyalty toward her. My brethren, you will never have in all of your lives a greater asset than the woman into whose eyes you looked as you joined hands over the altar in the House of the Lord. . . . Respect her and live with honor together and there will be happiness in your lives."

2. The soft answer. "It was said of old that `a soft answer turneth away wrath.' (Prov. 15:1.) Learn to speak quietly in the house. When we speak quietly one to another things somehow get settled. But when we lift our voices tiny molehills of difference become great mountains of conflict."

He spoke of the Lord speaking to Elijah in "a still small voice." (See 1 Kgs. 19:11-12.) "That is the way the Lord speaks to us," President Hinckley said. "That is the way we ought to speak one to another. Quiet speech is the speech of peace. Quiet speech is the speech of harmony. Quiet speech is the speech of love. Keep your voices down."

3. Financial honesty with the Lord. President Hinckley counseled the members to be honest with the Lord in the payment of tithes and offerings. "You are all members of this Church," he said. "You have all taken upon yourselves a solemn and sacred covenant as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You have resolved within your hearts to live as the Lord would have you live and you have this problem in your lives. You are young and struggling and there is not enough money. [You ask], `How can we pay our tithes and offerings?' "

President Hinckley said, "If you want to get ahead in life, live honestly with the Lord and then you will be more inclined to live honestly with others, including honestly one with another. Honesty - what a precious and marvelous thing is simple virtue of honesty, integrity, true dealing."

4. Prayer. President Hinckley spoke of family prayer, of "getting on your knees together, husband and wife, taking your turns thanking the Lord for one another and invoking His blessings upon your dreams, your hopes, your ambitions, your lives, and your children as they come, living close to the Lord, speaking with Him in prayer with love and honor and respect and rearing your children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."

President Hinckley said, "I do not hesitate to promise that if you will go to your homes and cultivate and nurture it among these four cornerstones, your lives will be happy and fruitful of great good. I am satisfied that the Lord will bless you, for there will be food on your tables and clothing on your backs and shelter over your heads. There will be tough times, of course. We all have them."

Concluding, President Hinckley said to the young couples: "As I look at you and think of you in terms of who you are - husbands, wives, fathers, mothers, now and to be - I think of the tremendous opportunity that you have to bring into this world a generation that could become the turnaround generation in this world that is slipping so seriously into the muck and the mire that is seen across the earth. To rear your families in righteousness and in truth with fidelity and love and faith and faithfulness, God be with you in the great and sacred undertaking in which you are engaged. May your lives be filled with happiness. May your love grow stronger through the years. May you be totally loyal. May you cling to the Church, love the Lord, walk in faith, and live with gladness."