The following are some things my husband and I found helpful that could be applied to any age or circumstances:

- Select people to date in appropriate places, such as Church activities, firesides, etc. Continue to date in uplifting settings that will be conducive to wholesome thoughts and actions.- Keep an open mind. Don't focus on determining if you want to or should marry the person before you even get a chance to know him or her. Focus on having a good time and being uplifting to each other.

- Be selective. Make sure you date people of appropriate standards. Also, if certain traits are especially important to you in the people you date or consider marrying, look for those traits.

- Get to know each other well before you even think of marrying. As a divorced mother, I couldn't risk getting into another bad marriage. We spent much time during dating in getting to know each other. We did this by discussing many issues, our individual backgrounds and experiences and exploring each other's attitudes.

- Have some fun. Don't be so solemn and serious - or nervous and fearful - that you don't lighten up and have some appropriate fun. You'll be better to get along with and enjoy dating much more.

- Realize that many dating situations do not result in marriage. Don't heap guilt on yourself if your relationship dissolves. If you were at fault, fix the problems and go on with life. If you weren't at fault, don't take it personally. - Karen D. Garrett, West Valley City, Utah

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What we did:

Spend time together

- Spend time together, even if that means on the phone. You need to spend time talking. You need to make time. If you're not willing to make time, or if the other person is not, then there's really no interest.

- Don't be afraid to follow your heart. Take a chance in dating and letting the other person get to know you. Don't be so analytical. Discuss feelings, ideas, wishes. Open up.

- Use the Lord's standards and not yours in deciding who to date and who to marry. In our case, my husband had this image of the wife he wanted, and I didn't fit that image. But he used the Lord's standards in dating and marrying me, and we're very happy. And we have a beautiful 3-month-old son.

- Make the Lord a part of your relationship. This includes talking about Church topics, going to a firesides, watching a Church video, etc.

- Don't just do the fancy things together. Do the everyday things together, as well. - Tom and Tamara Duford, Tempe, Ariz.

Same rules apply

I have been divorced for more than four years after having been married for 22. It is very difficult to go from an intimate marriage relationship back out into the single dating world. It is an empty feeling to have experienced this closeness and then to have it absent from your life.

The one thing I have learned is that the same rules apply toward dating as they did before I was married. Single is single! I think the Church publication "For the Strength of Youth" is a great resource and applies to adults as well as youth. It is the responsibility of the man and the woman to set the rules from the beginning as to what is appropriate. It is very important that we don't allow ourselves to be put in situations that are or may be "borderline" or uncomfortable. We should never lose sight of what is right; our integrity and respect depend on it. We, as adults, should remember that we are in control. As the mother of three grown sons, I have always taken the attitude, "If it isn't right for my children, then it isn't right for me." - Linda Haddock, Sandy, Utah

Keep perspective

- Keep your perspective. Ignore the vain and foolish things that would distract you, and concentrate on eternal things. All too often, we are focused on outward appearances instead of inner realities. Ask yourself why you feel drawn to this person.

- Trust your intuition, not your emotions. There is a world of difference between infatuation and love, just as there is a world of difference between mere physical attractiveness and true beauty. Learn to sense what kind of person someone is, and let that be your guide.

One of the most rewarding relationships I ever had was with a young woman I met at a service project. She probably didn't look like much, down there on her hands and knees digging sweet potatoes out of the cold ground, but I sensed in her a goodness that touched me deeply at the core of my being. Years later, we're still good friends, and I will always be grateful for her influence in my life. - E. Jahn, Albuquerque, N.M.

Right place, right time

- Be in the right places at the right time. Never be in places or situations where you're tempted. Maintain your standards.

- Do everyday type things with those you date, such as Christmas shopping. Offer to help them. You can find out more about someone through shopping together.

- Find out their interests and hobbies. Be open to new things. Participate with them in their activities that are appropriate.

- Keep close to your Heavenly Father. Be receptive to His promptings. After all that you can do, turn the relationship over to Him.

- Get involved in volunteer work together. This way you see someone in different aspects of his or her life. - Susan Onnen, Jackson, Mich.

Important aspect

My recipe is becoming best friends with plenty of spark. The spark part can be put together without much help. It's finding out who might be a best friend that's more difficult.

As a bishop, I encourage noble and healthful intimacy, which is intimacy that shares the heart. This is an important aspect of serious dating. Get to really know somebody. Find out what the person is really about. This way you share and find out if you're on the path to being a real friend.

There are couples who have been best friends first and then the spark comes later. The problem I see is that most won't allow that process to come. Great relationships could come if the search for the spark could be suspended long enough to deal with real friendships. Even if it doesn't turn out to be your mate, the process of finding out true friendships is a learning curve. If those skills are in place, then there's a better chance of finding that friendship within the dating relationship.

In addition, the more mentally healthy you are the better prepared you are for a long-lasting relationship. Get help, if necessary. - Tom Andersen, Los Angeles, Calif.

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How to checklist:

1. Make the Lord part of relationship; seek His guidance.

2. Take time for each other, share interests, be friends; do everyday activities.

3. Maintain standards; avoid compromising situations.

4. Have eternal perspective in selecting mate; don't focus on worldly expectations.

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WRITE TO US:

Dec. 14 "How to apply the principle of repentance in daily life."

Dec. 21 "How to be more Christ-centered in our relationships with others."

Dec. 28 "How to maintain hope in the midst of affliction."

Jan. 4 "How to apply in one's life the legacy of faith as found in the Doctrine and Covenants and Church history."

Jan. 11 "How to enjoy the blessings of the priesthood without a worthy priesthood holder in the home."

Jan. 18 "How to discipline your children in a positive manner."

- Also interested in letters on these topics: "How to be more patient with your children," "How to foster positive communication in your family."

Had any good experiences or practical success in any of the above subjects? Share them with our readers in about 100-150 words. Write the "How-to" editor, Church News, P.O. Box 1257, Salt Lake City, Utah 84110, send fax to (801) 237-2121 or use internet E-mail: Churchnews@desnews.com. Please include a name and phone number. Contributions may be edited or excerpted and will not be returned. Due to limited space, some contributions may not be used; those used should not be regarded as official Church doctrine or policy. Material must be received at least 12 days before publication date.