We have a number of socially underdeveloped children in our Primary. These children range from not saying a word to misbehaving. As a Primary presidency, we have tried the following ideas, which could be used in other classroom settings and activities:

- Work with the parents. Ask them how we can help the child feel more comfortable. Through the parents and teacher working together, the teacher reinforces in the classroom what is being taught in the home, and the parent knows what is going on in the classroom and what is expected of the child.- Know why the child is socially underdeveloped. Is it self-esteem? Is it home environment? Is it a medical problem?

- Do things to help the child fit in. Give him or her responsibilities that he or she can handle. Make the child feel accepted and more like the other children. If, when trying to give the child responsibility, the child says no, then be patient. He or she may say yes down the road.

- Have the teacher visit the child and get to know him or her outside the church. As a result of these efforts, sometimes we've had children ask their teachers to see them in a school play.

- Show an interest in the child. Find out what his or her likes and dislikes are.

- Let the child know he or she is loved. - Maggie Smith, Germantown, Md.

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What we did:

Chance to participate

By age 4, Katrina was non-verbal. A hearing loss and a learning disability were affecting her ability to speak. She began speech therapy and would speak around home but not at Church or in groups. She worried that others could not understand her.

After awhile, the Primary presidency wanted her to have a chance to participate with the other children and give a talk. Our daughter wanted to, but she was afraid the children would not understand her or that she would get stage-fright and not speak. We helped her tape record her talk at home until she was satisfied with it. At Primary she played the tape-recorded talk and held up pictures to illustrate it. The children were stone-silent as it was the first time they had heard her speak. She felt successful and accepted. After that, she gave her talks without the aid of the tape recorder. - Gwen S. Legler, Arlington, Wash.

Fond memory

One of the fondest memories of my Primary experience was when the Primary teacher took me with her to run some errands. The fact that she thought of me on a day other than Sunday showed me she thought I was important. Visiting with a child outside the Church setting introduces the teacher to the child's interests, which could be implemented in lessons and activities. The child will be more willing to participate and give input when the lessons include things that are of interest to him or her.

Special care should be given when calling on a socially underdeveloped child to participate in a lesson. In such cases, the teacher should try to assist the child with the response, leaving the child with a sense of fulfillment. However, it is important to minimize embarrassment. First, be sure that there is a slight chance that the child will respond, either from past experience or by asking the child to participate beforehand. Second, try to empathize with the child, knowing that it is sometimes difficult to talk in front of a lot of people.

The most important thing to realize when dealing with socially underdeveloped children is that they are children of our Heavenly Father. Hopefully, we can be a positive example in their lives. When we show the children that we care about them and let them know that they have a Heavenly Father and an older Brother who love them dearly, the comfort level will rise, and so will their confidence. - Angie Fennemore, Bountiful, Utah

Chance to feel successful

When a child comes to Primary whose behavior is socially underdeveloped, we should look at this as an opportunity to help the child socially. Instead of repeated reprimanding, give the child a chance to feel socially successful in the classroom and in Sharing Time. Role playing and lessons that actively involve the child are a good start. Praising the child whenever he or she shows improvement or appropriate behavior is also an easy way to foster positive feelings in both the child and the teacher.

Learning that we should be reverent, participate in class, and be respectful of parents, teachers and leaders are basic, but helping a child learn why we do these things can bring a greater understanding of good behavior. Because we have the added benefit of teaching these behaviors in a gospel setting, we can teach children through the example of Jesus Christ. - Robin Faldmo, Sioux City, Iowa

Fragile self-esteem

I believe one of the main reasons that children become socially underdeveloped is because of low self-esteem. Because of this, one of the best ways to include these children in classes and activities is by helping to build their fragile self-esteem.

If children try to answer a question posed to them, it may not be the exact answer you were looking for, but praise them and compliment them. Ask the children for their input in future activities. When an adult, whether it be a member of the Primary presidency or their teacher, asks a child to help, the child feels important.

We've done these things in our Primary and the change that has come over some of the children has been amazing. These children are more outgoing, confident in raising their hands to answer questions, get along better with the other children, are more reverent, are visibly happier and truly enjoy coming to Primary. - Kristi Peterson, St. George, Utah

Get to know the child

Some children need attention and the opportunity to be a part of class-time and activities. I remember one boy in our Primary who had a behavior problem. He couldn't sit still. I could tell he needed attention of some sort. We gave him the assignment to close the folding door to close off our room from the cultural hall. From this, he felt needed, and his behavior changed. From then on, he didn't need to misbehave to get attention. He knew he was important.

However, you have to use wisdom in giving attention. Some children close up with too much attention. You have to let them participate at their own pace.

All children need opportunities to participate and to realize they are children of God and have the right to participate. A little one should not be labeled as a "problem child." All children want to be good kids, they just don't always have the opportunity to learn how.

Children need structure. For example, the nursery should be conducted according to the nursery manual. This prepares the children for participation in Primary and other classes and activities, and teaches them the ability to manage their behavior. - Venice Lancaster, Afton, Wyo.

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How to checklist:

1 Realize he or she is a child of God; show, express love.

2 Show interest, visit child at home; work with parents.

3 Include child, assign tasks; use wisdom, gauge abilities.

4 Don't label "problem child"; praise, build confidence.

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WRITE TO US:

Sept. 28 "How to cope with, help a child who is suffering from emotional, mental illness."

Oct. 5 "How to financially prepare your family for missions, education."

Oct. 19 "How to support your wife as she serves as an auxiliary leader."

Oct. 26 "How to be more sensitive to those around you in different marital and family circumstances."

Nov. 2 "How to take responsibility for your own happiness."

Nov. 9 "How to find joy `in the morning.' "

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