Throughout our adult lives, both of us have served in the youth organizations that are offered in the Church, including Primary, Young Men/Young Women, Cub Scouts and Boy Scouts.

We make sure we do the following in influencing the lives of children:- Being a consistently good example. One infraction of the Word of Wisdom, an immodest style of clothing, the wrong language, etc., could prevent a youth from ever believing our words again. We also always hold a current temple recommend.

- Being available. Many times, our telephone rings during dinner and a few times in the middle of the night. This doesn't mean we always interrupt our own family routine, but the youth do know we care and can get right back to them if needed.

- Listening. In listening, however, we do not come between a youth and his/her parents. Encouragement is bounced right back to the strength of his/her own family and/or bishop.

- Helping them learn from the examples of men and women in the scriptures. It's amazing how the lives of scriptural figures parallel our own lives.

- Loving them and encouraging them to deepen their relationship with God. The youth of these latter days are precious to us, to the Church and to the world. They are deserving of the time it takes to help them find and follow the straight and narrow way. By helping them to follow the teachings of the gospel, guess what? This has helped us, too! - Kerry and Peggy Lauritzen, Mansfield, Ohio

What we did:

Know their names

In teaching, I try to follow the philosophy that relationships are more important than scholarship. It simply means that people don't care how much you know unless they know how much you care. People who influenced me, other than my parents, were persons who I knew cared about me.

One of the best ways initially to show you care about someone is to learn his or her name. I knew a woman in Ohio who made it a point to learn the name of every child in the ward. Every time she saw a child in the hall or somewhere she would call him or her by name. This had positive results for both the giver and the receiver. She soon became well liked among the youth and didn't even have a calling in the youth organization.

She felt that since we are a big family we should know the names of all the youth. This practice allowed the youth to trust her and led to her being able to help several who confided in her about challenges they were facing. She even suggested that the ward list that came out every few months with ward members' names and addresses include all the youths' names.

This small act opens the doors to many other opportunities to serve and grow. - Garry B. Weiss, Mesa, Ariz.

Felt at home

When I was going through my teenage years, my home was not a place where I wanted to be. Because of this, I spent a lot of time with my friends and at their homes. One of my close friends, whose family is also LDS, always invited me to come over. Although I spent most of my time with this friend during my visits, her parents always made me feel as if I were part of their family. Her mother would talk to me when I was going through a difficult time. She would celebrate with me when I had accomplished something extra special. By being welcomed and accepted in this home, I was able to see a happy and functional family at work. I was able to see an eternal family in the making. Of course this family had its challenges, and I was able to see how they worked through them - all because their home was always open to me. - Name and location withheld

Read to them

Reading to children is one of the most influential things anyone can do. Not only does it promote a love for reading, but also gives much needed attention that all children crave.

Get to know the names of the small children in your neighborhood. Pick a popular children's picture book and offer to read to them on the front lawn or their porch. Make sure everyone can see the pictures, and read with enthusiasm. Soon you will be their favorite neighbor! - Catherine Porter, Bountiful, Utah

`You had time to listen'

For 18 years I have been entrusted with the sacred responsibility of teaching first graders. The comments of former students perhaps shed the greatest light on how we positively influence the lives of children who are not our own:

- "You always had time to listen to me."

- "You cried with me when I was sad and laughed with me when I was happy."

- "You made me feel special every day."

- "You played games with us."

- "You read stories to us."

- "You remembered my name after all those years."

- "You loved us even when we made mistakes, and told us you made mistakes, too."

- "Because you loved and respected us, we knew we could love and respect each other." - Jill Moss, Sugar City, Idaho

Great examples

I grew up in a single-parent home from the age of 8 or 9. Naturally, my mom wasn't home very much because she had to support four kids living at home. I kind of felt I wasn't accepted in school. We moved to a different state when I was about 13. I struggled to make friends and be accepted. But we moved into a loving ward with many great families that showed love, support and kindness. I saw great examples of men who loved and cherished their families, and through love and patience guided me and helped me choose the right.

All you can do is show love and patience, be a good example and be there when youth need you. - Elder Jacob P. Williams, Michigan Detroit Mission

`Mothering' influence

As a single adult who has never married, I do not have any children of my own. Yet I still have a significant influence on children around me. I have 26 nieces and nephews. I send each of them birthday cards, and attend their baptisms, mission farewells and weddings. With the younger ones, I play games and put together puzzles. I try to visit each of the family members once or twice a year and have them in my home often.

I currently have the blessing of teaching the 10-year-old girls in Primary. There are other families in my ward and stake who I interact with regularly. I attend their children's seminary graduations, baptisms, Young Women and Scout recognition events, concerts and recitals. When visiting in the homes of these friends I make it a point to always speak directly to their children.

In Great Britain, they celebrate "Mothering Sunday." While I am not a mother, I can still be a mothering influence on the children around me. - Thomasene Lybbert, Spokane, Wash.

How to checklist:

1. Be a good example; realize children are watching you.

2. Love them, call them by name; include them.

3. Be interested; share their joys and disappointments.

4. Help them strengthen their own families; be supportive.

Write to us:

July 26 "How to get out of a rut in your career."

Aug. 2 "How to change or eliminate negative aspects of your personality."

Aug. 9 "How to recognize and eliminate pride in our lives."

Aug. 16 "How to develop a healthy dating relationship."

Aug. 23 "How to prepare a child, youth for transition from elementary to middle school, or middle school to high school."

Aug. 30 "How to prepare yards, gardens for winter."

- Also interested in letters on these topics: "How to help young people show respect for authority in school," "How to be emotionally self-reliant," "How to place people above tasks."

Had any good experiences or practical success in any of the above subjects? Share them with our readers in about 100-150 words. Write the "How-to" editor, Church News, P.O. Box 1257, Salt Lake City, Utah 84110, send fax to (801) 237-2524 or use internet E-mail: forum@desnews.com. Please include a name and phone number. Contributions may be edited or excerpted and will not be returned. Due to limited space, some contributions may not be used; those used should not be regarded as official Church doctrine or policy. Material must be received at least 12 days before publication date.