We spent the first three years of our marriage as a two-student family. Now we have both finished bachelor's degrees and my husband is a graduate student. We still reap the benefits of applying the lessons we have learned about staying close while struggling through school.

- Keep the Sabbath Day holy. During the week, it's rare for us to have leisure time together. We welcome the chance on Sundays to attend Church together, take long walks, and spend significant lengths of time talking together. We don't do homework on Sundays and have tried to find jobs that don't require us to work on the Sabbath.- Live within your means and stay out of debt as much as possible. We have watched friends' marriages end because of the stress caused by heavy debt or because of unreasonable desires to have too much too early. Understand that living within your means does not make you poor, and spending money you don't have does not make you wealthy. You can live without a newly remodeled apartment or even without a car. You can wear your clothes for several years. You can restrict eating in restaurants. We have done these things.

- Hold family home evening, family scripture study and family prayer. These are valuable opportunities to spend time together. Resolve to have family home evening every week, and prayer and scripture study every day.

- Don't compare your workloads. It is easy for one spouse to think that he or she is doing a lot more work than the other one. Avoid this; it will cause resentment and anger. Value equally each person's contribution to the marriage, whether it is financial or otherwise.

- Value your education and your spouse's education. College is a comparatively brief period of our lives. During these years, we often need to put in long hours. Students and their spouses should be patient and understand that these hours are hours well spent and that the difficult schedule will not last forever. This will ease students' frustration and help their spouses to be more supportive. - Glenny and Ana Shaw, Murray, Utah

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What we did:

Pray together

During 10 years of marriage, we've spent eight years enrolled in college. Here are some strategies that have helped our marriage not only survive, but also blossom.

- Keep your priorities straight. School has an end. Marriage doesn't. Our weekly date is a must. We also plan a vacation together at least once a year. We look forward to relaxing and enjoying each other.

- Give your wholehearted support. This is impossible if you harbor resentment. Clear up any problems as soon as they arise. Keep in mind the benefits that education bring.

- Pray together. Give thanks for each other and ask for the special blessings that you need as a college couple. Remember your spouse in your personal prayers also, especially during exam time. - Stacy L. Clarkson, Tempe, Ariz.

Communicate goals

Before my husband returned to college six years ago, we sat down together and discussed the extent of his education, the credit hours, and what sacrifices we needed to make. Knowing these expectations helped the transition from family life to college life.

It was necessary for me to return to full-time work, which resulted in sharing the family and household responsibilities equally. - Barbara Abel, Murray, Utah

Go on dates

My husband is finally nearing the end of 12 grueling years of education and training for a career as a physician.

When he was in his first year of medical school, our stake president told us to go on a date once a week no matter what.

We took our leader's good counsel and have dated each other regularly ever since. We became very creative in finding ways to spend time together, away from the kids, on a budget. Clipping coupons for restaurants or just ordering soup and salad has given us a quiet table where we could chat. - Laura Debenham, Cleveland Heights, Ohio

Join student ward

After being married for six years, and in college the entire time, we have found that with all of the demands school places on my husband's time, if we keep our relationship our top priority, our marriage continues to grow.

- We take advantage of opportunities available to members of student wards. We form friendships and gain support from other couples in a similar situation.

- We don't let school take precedence over each other. I know that if I need my husband he will be there, regardless of his school situation. - Kristyn Morgan, Provo, Utah

Pay tithing

There are some simple yet effective ways to deal with challenges and strengthen your marriage while in school.

First, married students often struggle with financial concerns. Paying tithing regularly, avoiding debt and living according to a budget and within your means are key ways to avoid financial concerns. In addition, consulting each other about all major purchases alleviates potential concerns and problems.

Second, because of the nature of being in school, time is limited and married students do not get the opportunity to spend as much time together as they would like. Carefully scheduling and managing class time, study time and work is very important and allows for time with each other.

Finally, avoid thinking that it will get easier or better after graduation. The same pressures will continue. However, if you establish positive patterns while young and in school, they will stay with you throughout your marriage. - Paul and Jeanne Krumperman, Kansas City, Mo.

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How to checklist:

1 Hold family home evening, family scripture study; pray together.

2 Go on a date once a week; communicate goals.

3 Keep priorities straight; don't let school take precedence over each other.

4 Live within means, stay out of debt as much as possible.

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WRITE TO US:

Nov. 15 "How to encourage children and young people to be physically active."

Nov. 22 "How to help your children get along."

Nov. 29 "How to enlarge your social circle, make new friends as a single member of the Church."

Dec. 6 "How to feel, spread the spirit of Christmas when you live alone."

Dec. 13 "How to find strength and be a positive influence when you're the only member in family."

Dec. 20 "How to make Christ the center of Christmas traditions."

Dec. 27 "How to develop qualities of discipleship."

- Also interested in letters on these topics: "How to get out of a rut in your career," "How to help yourself or loved one overcome an abusive nature," "How to be prepared to share the gospel and answer questions," "How to fortify your homes against evil." "How to build a strong work ethic in children."

Had any good experiences or practical success in any of the above subjects? Share them with our readers in about 100-150 words. Write the "How-to" editor, Church News, P.O. Box 1257, Salt Lake City, Utah 84110, send fax to (801) 237-2524 or use internet E-mail: forum@desnews.com. Please include a name and phone number. Contributions may be edited or excerpted and will not be returned. Due to limited space, some contributions may not be used; those used should not be regarded as official Church doctrine or policy. Material must be received at least 12 days before publication date.