As parents of two non-verbal autistic children, we understand that all people, disabled or not, are created in the image of God and have the potential to become like God. Some disabled people, because the severity of their disabilities makes them unable to choose between right and wrong, are like little children incapable of sinning. Young people who truly understand this will have a much easier time being sensitive toward people with disabilities.

Additionally, we suggest:- Parents should lead their children by example in showing compassion to the disabled. If a child's parents are uncomfortable around people with disabilities, the child will learn to be uncomfortable around the disabled, too.

- Parents should go out of their way to include the disabled in their activities. Children who associate with the disabled are much more likely to learn that the disabled are more like "normal" people than they are different.

- Parents should encourage their children to follow the Savior's example and serve the disabled. We can learn from the Savior's compassion by helping the disabled to carry the crosses they have to bear.

- Parents should teach their children not to pretend that the disability isn't there. Sometimes people have trouble dealing with others' disabilities, so they try to ignore the disabilities altogether. This can lead them to ignore the disabled and their needs. Even worse, it can keep them from enjoying what those with disabilities have to offer.

- Parents should believe and live the gospel of Jesus Christ and teach their children to do the same. No one who truly believes in the mission of the Savior and the plan of salvation could have anything but compassion for the disabled. - Bryan and Martha Chambers, Globe, Ariz.

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What we did:

Injured at birth

I was injured at birth and left cerebral palsied to a minor degree. This has left me with some coordination difficulties and an obvious limp.

My school friends had explained to them that my "telephone wires" were damaged and could not be fixed. My wife and I have used this approach, learned from my mother, to help nieces and nephews and other young people with whom we associate to feel comfortable and able to ask concerned questions. - Colin Maxwell, Northamptonshire, England

No baby talk

I treat hundreds of people with disabilities each year in my dental office. I have a son with autism who has helped me to better appreciate people with disabilities. The most important thing anyone can do to help is treat them like your best friend, or how you would like to be treated. Do no talk down to them. Do not talk baby talk. Do not raise your voice if they are deaf. Talk to them as you would talk to anyone else, even if they do not respond. And most of all, treat them with respect, dignity and love. Shake their hands, pat them on the back, give them a hug. Treat them as Jesus Christ would, if present. - David G. Thomas, Puyallup, Wash.

A parent's example

As a mother of three autistic children, I've seen several things that seem to help people to be more comfortable around them. They include the following:

- Seeing a parent's example. Almost without exception, parents who are kind and accepting have children who are kind and accepting.

- Having exposure. When children are exposed to those with disabilities they become comfortable around them.

- Asking questions. I'm never offended to have people ask questions. It means they're taking an interest in my children and will understand them better.

- Knowing they are children of God. We are all children of God and have the same need for love and attention. Children need to understand that those with disabilities just have different challenges and may need extra help. - Susan Jones, Colorado Springs, Colo.

Personally acquainted

A new family moved into the ward. A member of the family was severely disabled. The child was put in the Primary strapped into a wheelchair. That first day the Primary children were frightened at what they saw. The caring mother came to the bishop and presented a plan to visit each home with her disabled child and have each family in the ward become personally acquainted with the child and his problems. A mighty change took place in the ward and especially in Primary. The child later died at an early age. At the funeral, the chapel was filled to capacity. - Tom Arnett, Mesa, Ariz.

Spend time

Ignorance of the needs of the disabled is the core of insensibility. The best way to comprehend their needs is to spend time with them. This can be achieved by organizing a visit to a day center or work shop for the disabled, or going out for the day with a disabled friend.

Not only will we come to understand their many difficulties and challenges, and sharpen our sensitivity and admiration at their invariable courage, but also we will appreciate the blessings of good health and physical abilities that most of us enjoy and take for granted. - Pamela Brogan, Gloucestershire, England

Simple truth

I began raising a multiply disabled granddaughter years ago, and it has been very hard to teach the older people how to explain to the younger people the simple truth of my granddaughter. What I did was to go to each youth and explain the truth - what you as a "normal" person can do and how you can help this disabled person.

In general, the parents were shocked that I would talk to their child while mine was right there. We invited the youth for pizza parties, Christmas tree trimming, Halloween treats and just for no reason at all. Tara, my granddaughter, had fun and the other youth went home, I hope, thinking that Tara was like them only a little different. - Chris Klein, Flemington, N.J.

Passing the sacrament

One boy in the Aaronic Priesthood had dealt with many physical disabilities in his lifetime, including difficulty with vision and mobility. Many times on Sunday you would see the other boys assist this young man so that he was able to pass the sacrament to the ward members. One boy would walk along supporting him as he carried the tray. Many young men had the opportunity to learn a true lesson in service, to a friend, to the ward and, most important, to the Lord. - Tina Conde, Olympia, Wash.

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How to checklist:

1 Set example; be accepting, loving; don't condescend.

2 Acquaint young people with the disabled through family, Church activities.

3 Teach an awareness of any special needs; urge service.

4 Help them learn, understand; teach them to ask questions, not ignore disabilities.

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WRITE TO US:

Aug. 1 "How to make transition from being newly married to becoming new parents."

Aug. 8 "How to help your wife feel more appreciated as a homemaker."

Aug. 15 "How to help your husband feel more appreciated as a provider."

Aug. 22 "How to protect your testimony."

Aug. 29 "How to plan ahead for the different stages of life."

Sept. 5 "How to cope with the sudden loss of employment."

Sept. 12 "How to care for your children when they misbehave in public."

- Also interested in letters on these topics: "How to avoid greed," "How to overcome compulsive eating," "How to help heal a family after a loved one has caused deep hurt," "How to avoid the gambling trap."

Had any good experiences or practical success in any of the above subjects? Share them with our readers in about 100-150 words. Write the "How-to" editor, Church News, P.O. Box 1257, Salt Lake City, Utah 84110, send fax to (801) 237-2524 or use internet E-mail: forum@desnews.com. Please include a name and phone number. Contributions may be edited or excerpted and will not be returned. Due to limited space, some contributions may not be used; those used should not be regarded as official Church doctrine or policy. Material must be received at least 12 days before publication date.