The key to strengthening our families is having the Spirit of the Lord come into our homes. The goal of our families is to be on the strait and narrow
Strengthening families is our sacred duty as parents, children, extended
family members, leaders, teachers, and individual members of the Church.
The importance of spiritually strengthening families is taught clearly
in the scriptures. Father Adam and Mother Eve taught their sons and
daughters the gospel. The sacrifices of Abel were accepted by the Lord,
whom he loved. Cain, on the other hand, "loved Satan more than God" and
committed serious sins. Adam and Eve "mourned before the Lord, because of
Cain and his brethren," but they never ceased to teach their children the
gospel (see Moses 5:12, 18, 20, 27; 6:1, 58).
We must understand that each of our children comes with varying gifts
and talents. Some, like Abel, seem to be given gifts of faith at birth.
Others struggle with every decision they make. As parents, we should never
let the searching and struggling of our children make us waver or lose our
faith in the Lord.
Alma the Younger, when "racked with torment ... [and] harrowed
up by the memory of [his] many sins," remembered hearing his father
teach about the coming of "Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the
sins of the world" (Alma 36:17). His father's words led to his conversion.
In like manner, our teaching and testimony will be remembered by our
children.
The 2,000 stripling warriors in the army of Helaman testified that their
righteous mothers had powerfully taught gospel principles to them (see Alma
56:47-48).
At a time of great spiritual searching, Enos said, "The words which I
had often heard my father speak concerning eternal life ... sunk deep
into my heart" (Enos 1:3).
In the Doctrine and Covenants the Lord says that parents are to teach
their children "to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ
the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by
the laying on of the hands, when eight years old....
"And they shall also teach their children to pray, and to walk uprightly
before the Lord" (68:25, 28).
As we teach our children the gospel through word and example, our
families are spiritually strengthened and fortified.
The words of living prophets are clear regarding our sacred duty to
strengthen our families spiritually. In 1995 the First Presidency and the
Council of the Twelve Apostles issued a proclamation to the world,
declaring that "the family is central to the Creator's plan for the eternal
destiny of His children.... Husband and wife have a solemn
responsibility to love and care for each other and for their
children.... Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love
and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to
teach them to love and serve one another, [and] to observe the
commandments of God" ("The Family: A Proclamation to the World," ENSIGN,
Nov. 1995, 102; Liahona, June 1996, 10-11).
In February of this year, the First Presidency issued a call to all
parents "to devote their best efforts to the teaching and rearing of their
children in gospel principles which will keep them close to the Church. The
home is the basis of a righteous life, and no other instrumentality can
take its place or fulfill its essential functions in carrying forward this
God-given responsibility."
In the February letter, the First Presidency taught that by teaching and
rearing children in gospel principles, parents can protect their families
from corrosive elements. They further counseled parents and children "to
give highest priority to family prayer, family home evening, gospel study
and instruction, and wholesome family activities. However worthy and
appropriate other demands or activities may be, they must not be permitted
to displace the divinely-appointed duties that only parents and families
can adequately perform" (First Presidency letter, 11 Feb. 1999; cited in
Church News, 27 Feb. 1999, 3).
With the help of the Lord and His doctrine, all the hurtful effects from
challenges a family may meet can be understood and overcome. Whatever the
needs of family members may be, we can strengthen our families as we follow
the counsel given by prophets.
The key to strengthening our families is having the Spirit of the Lord
come into our homes. The goal of our families is to be on the strait and
narrow path.
Countless things can be done within the walls of our homes to strengthen
the family. May I share a few ideas that may help identify the areas that
need strengthening in our own families. I offer them in a spirit of
encouragement, knowing that each family — and each family member
— is unique.
Make our homes a safe place where each family member feels love and a
sense of belonging. Realize that each child has varying gifts and
abilities; each is an individual requiring special love and care.
Remember, "a soft answer turneth away wrath" (Prov. 15:1). When my
sweetheart and I were sealed in the Salt Lake Temple, Elder Harold B. Lee
gave us wise counsel: "When you raise your voice in anger, the Spirit
departs from your home." We must never, out of anger, lock the door of our
home or our heart to our children. Like the prodigal son, our children need
to know that when they come to themselves they can turn to us for love and
counsel.
Spend individual time with our children, letting them choose the
activity and the subject of conversation. Block out distractions.
Encourage our children's private religious behavior, such as personal
prayer, personal scripture study, and fasting for specific needs. Measure
their spiritual growth by observing their demeanor, language, and conduct
toward others.
Pray daily with our children.
Read the scriptures together. I remember my own mother and father
reading the scriptures as we children sat on the floor and listened.
Sometimes they would ask, "What does that scripture mean to you?" or "How
does it make you feel?" Then they would listen to us as we responded in our
own words.
Read the words of the living prophets and other inspiring articles for
children, youth, and adults in Church magazines.
We can fill our homes with the sound of worthy music as we sing
together from the hymnbook and the Children's Songbook.
Hold family home evening every week. As parents, we are sometimes too
intimidated to teach or testify to our children. I have been guilty of that
in my own life. Our children need to have us share spiritual feelings with
them and to teach and bear testimony to them.
Hold family councils to discuss family plans and concerns. Some of the
most effective family councils are one on one with each family member. Help
our children know their ideas are important. Listen to them and learn from
them.
Invite missionaries to teach less-active or nonmember friends in our
homes.
Show that we sustain and support Church leaders.
Eat together when possible, and have meaningful mealtime discussions.
Work together as a family, even if it may be faster and easier to do
the job ourselves. Talk with our sons and daughters as we work together. I
had that opportunity every Saturday with my father.
Help our children learn how to build good friendships and make their
friends feel welcome in our homes. Get to know the parents of the friends
of our children.
Teach our children by example how to budget time and resources. Help
them learn self-reliance and the importance of preparing for the future.
Teach our children the history of our ancestors and of our own family
history.
Build family traditions. Plan and carry out meaningful vacations
together, considering our children's needs, talents, and abilities. Help
them create happy memories, improve their talents, and build their feelings
of self-worth.
By word and example, teach moral values and a commitment to obeying the
commandments.
After my baptism and confirmation, my mother drew me aside and asked,
"What do you feel?" I described as best I could the warm feeling of peace,
comfort, and happiness I had. Mother explained that what I was feeling was
the gift I had just received, the gift of the Holy Ghost. She told me that
if I lived worthy of it, I would have that gift with me continually. That
was a teaching moment that has lived with me all my life.
Teach our children the significance of baptism and confirmation,
receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost, partaking of the sacrament, honoring
the priesthood, and making and keeping temple covenants. They need to know
the importance of living worthy of a temple recommend and preparing for a
temple marriage.
If you have not yet been sealed in the temple to your spouse or
children, work as a family to receive temple blessings. Set temple goals as
a family.
Be worthy of the priesthood which you hold, brethren, and use it to
bless the lives of your family.
Through the power of the Melchizedek Priesthood, dedicate our homes.
Resources are available outside the home. Wise use of them will
strengthen our families.
Encourage our children to serve in the Church and community.
Talk to our children's teachers, coaches, counselors, advisers, and
Church leaders about our concerns and the needs of our children.
Know what our children are doing in their spare time. Influence their
choice of movies, television programs, and videos. If they are on the
Internet, know what they are doing. Help them see the importance of
wholesome entertainment.
Encourage worthwhile school activities. Know what our children are
studying. Help them with their homework. Help them realize the importance
of education and of preparing for employment and self-sufficiency.
Young women: Attend Relief Society when you reach your 18th birthday.
Some of you may be reluctant to make that transition. You may fear that you
won't fit in. My young sisters, this is not the case. There is much in
Relief Society for you. It can be a blessing to you throughout your life.
Young men: Honor the Aaronic Priesthood. It is the preparatory
priesthood, preparing you for the Melchizedek Priesthood. Become fully
active in the elders quorum when you are ordained to the Melchizedek
Priesthood. The brotherhood, the quorum instruction, and the opportunities
to serve others will bless you and your family throughout your life.
Every family can be strengthened in one way or another if the Spirit of
the Lord is brought into our homes and we teach by His example.
Act with faith; don't react with fear. When our teenagers begin testing
family values, parents need to go to the Lord for guidance on the specific
needs of each family member. This is the time for added love and support
and to reinforce your teachings on how to make choices. It is frightening
to allow our children to learn from the mistakes they may make, but their
willingness to choose the Lord's way and family values is greater when the
choice comes from within than when we attempt to force those values upon
them. The Lord's way of love and acceptance is better than Satan's way of
force and coercion, especially in rearing teenagers.
Remember the Prophet Joseph Smith's words: "Nothing is so much
calculated to lead people to forsake sin as to take them by the hand, and
watch over them with tenderness. When persons manifest the least kindness
and love to me, O what power it has over my mind, while the opposite course
has a tendency to harrow up all the harsh feelings and depress the human
mind" (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, sel. Joseph Fielding Smith
[1976], 240).
While we may despair when, after all we can do, some of our children
stray from the path of righteousness, the words of Orson F. Whitney can
comfort us: "Though some of the sheep may wander, the eye of the Shepherd
is upon them, and sooner or later they will feel the tentacles of Divine
Providence reaching out after them and drawing them back to the fold.
Either in this life or the life to come, they will return. They will have
to pay their debt to justice; they will suffer for their sins; and may
tread a thorny path; but if it leads them at last, like the penitent
Prodigal, to a loving and forgiving [mother's and] father's heart
and home, the painful experience will not have been in vain. Pray for
[our] careless and disobedient children; hold on to them with
[our] faith. Hope on, trust on, till you see the salvation of God"
(Orson F. Whitney, in Conference Report, Apr. 1929, 110).
What if you are single or have not been blessed with children? Do you
need to be concerned about the counsel regarding families? Yes. It is
something we all need to learn in earth life. Unmarried adult members can
often lend a special kind of strength to the family, becoming a tremendous
source of support, acceptance, and love to their families and the families
of those around them.
Many adult members of the extended family do much parenting in their
own right. Grandparents, aunts and uncles, brothers and sisters, nieces and
nephews, cousins, and other family members can have great impact on the
family. I want to express my appreciation for those in my own extended
family who have guided me by their example and testimony. Sometimes
extended family members can say things parents cannot say without starting
an argument. After a long heart-to-heart discussion with her mother, one
young woman said: "It would be awful to tell you and Dad I had done
something wrong. But it would be worse to tell Aunt Susan. I just couldn't
let her down."
Knowing that we are in mortality to learn and to develop our faith, we
should understand that there must be opposition in all things. During a
family council in my own home, my wife said, "When you may think that
someone has a perfect family, you just do not know them well enough."
Brothers and sisters, as parents let us heed the admonition, even the
rebuke, given by the Lord to Joseph Smith and the leaders of the Church in
1833 to "set in order [our] own house" (D&C 93:43). "I have
commanded you to bring up your children in light and truth" (D&C 93:40).
"Set in order [our] family, and see that they are more diligent and
concerned at home, and pray always, or they shall be removed out of their
place" (D&C 93:50).
The prophets of our day have given a similar admonition and warning to
parents to set in order our families. May we be blessed with the
inspiration and love to meet opposition with faith within our families. We
will then know that our trials are to draw us closer to the Lord and to one
another. May we listen to a prophet's voice and set in order our own homes
(see D&C 93:41-49). The family is strengthened as we draw near to the Lord,
and each member of the family is strengthened as we lift and strengthen and
love and care for one another. "Thee lift me and I'll lift thee, and we'll
ascend together" (Quaker proverb).
May we be able to welcome and maintain the Spirit of the Lord in our
homes to strengthen our families. That each of our family members can stay
on the "strait and narrow path which leads to eternal life" (2 Ne. 31:18),
I pray in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
