Love, understanding

It is sometimes difficult to understand why a child will act in a certain way, but there are explanations. I was a child who was rambunctious and wild. Now that I'm older, I have come to realize some of the tactics my parents used with me.

The first key for coping is realizing that your child is not the only one. Often the child will have a chemical imbalance or a psychological disorder. If it is a chemical disorder, the problem can be resolved by medical treatment.

Another help is the Lord. Pray for help. but not that the problem will go away. Pray about what you can do to overcome the problem. I suffered attention deficit disorder (A.D.D.) when I was a child. Over time I was shown how my behavior was unacceptable. One time I was shown a video of myself in a group of people and I was appalled at my behavior. Then my parents showed me how I needed to act. My parents showed lots of love and understanding. You have to love the kids. Often the only reason they do what they do is for attention.

When I got into high school, I found that my problem really took a sideline because I became more active. I was a member of the swim team and the cross-country team. Sports taught me self-discipline and used up a lot of that extra energy. — Shane Graser, Culican, Mexico

Plenty of affection

Children with severe behavioral problems can be a source of considerable stress to everyone who comes into contact with them. It is important that Behavioral problems in children do not have a single cause. Depression, anxiety, attention deficit disorder, grief, abuse and emotional trauma are but a few of the causes. Children do not deliberately misbehave because they are "bad" or to annoy adults. Children are far less able to express their feelings verbally than adults. Instead, they "act out" their problems and emotional upsets. I suggest the following:

• Give your child plenty of love, affection and attention. Give undivided time. Listen without interrupting, criticizing or giving unsolicited advice.

• Don't try to deal with the problem alone. Enlist the understanding, support and help of others who are influential in your child's life: teachers, Scouting and Primary leaders, home and visiting teachers, other family members, etc. Structure and consistency are important factors in helping your child learn to control his or her disruptive behavior.

• Pray with your child. Seek the Lord's guidance. Study the scriptures together. This will give both you and your child the spiritual strength necessary to deal with his/her problems.

• Realize determining your child's problems may take professional intervention. Seek advice from a psychologist, psychiatrist or clinical social worker who specializes in helping children.

— David W. Aiken, Howard, Ohio

Mutual agreement

Some behavioral problems are caused by food or pollen allergies. Some children may need to take medication to lead a more productive life. Helpful starts include the following:

• A physical exam by a doctor.

• A contract between parents and child. It will state what needs to be accomplished before a certain amount of time and what will happen if the contract rules are not met. The child and the parent will set the contract requirements together. The age of the child will needs to be taken into consideration. Another idea is the "strike three you're out" program. The child receives two reminders that he/she needs to modify her/his behavior. On the third reminder, he/she is taken out of the situation and removed to a quiet area to reflect about the situation.

— Tina Lamola Walters, Las Vegas, Nev.

Soft, loving tones

As a child development adviser, I suggest the following:

• Disciplinary practices must not humiliate or frighten the child, nor should any practice instill shame, guilt or inferiority. In addition, food, including candy, must not be used to reward or withheld to punish.

• Actions taken by the adult must be appropriate to the child's age and stage of development. Actions must be taken immediately and not later, when the child may have forgotten about it.

• Rules that the child is expected to follow must be simple, clear and consistently applied and understood. The needs of the child must be considered first.

• In cases of severe tantrum, take the child to a safe room. Stay with the child to make sure she/he does not hurt herself/himself. Offer a hug when the child seems to be calming down; speak in soft and loving tones. These methods must be practiced with love. If the adult is feeling angry, someone else should deal with the child.

— Edna Crabbere, Roanoke, Va.