Be patient with each other

My wife and I have lived with infertility for the last 10 years and maybe will do so for the rest of our lives. Here are some things of which I have thought:

• Be patient with each other. Support each other. Don't blame each other. You will both deal emotionally with this problem in different ways. Infertility treatments can be humiliating and depressing. Remember that the basic unit in heaven is a husband and wife. You are blessed just to have each other.

• Try to find family members or understanding friends you can talk to. My wife and I find great comfort talking with my wife's parents. They went through a similar experience so they understand our pain.

• Don't let your search for a cure to your infertility or to finance an adoption hamstring your finances. Budget for any costs you may incur. You don't want to add the stress of serious financial problems to the stress that you already have just from the infertility.

— Kevin Williams, Eagar, Ariz.

'Our miracle'

My husband and I have been married 21 years. Ten of those years were spent dealing with infertility. After doing years of infertility work-ups with no results, we were at a crossroads, faced with the decision to use our savings for invitro fertilization (IVF), adoption, or to remain childless. We were guaranteed a child by adoption compared to less than 20 percent chance with IVF. Financially, adoption made sense for us. Our miracle happened each time we were sealed to our adopted children in the temple. — Susan Perry, Seattle, Wash.

Gospel perspective

Educate yourself by reading about infertility — the medical options, the emotional and financial aspects, etc. It is helpful and comforting to read about others with experiences similar to your own. At the same time, be careful to keep a gospel perspective. Since there are not very many LDS books and articles on this subject, you must be careful when reading things that may reflect more worldly attitudes and values.

In addition, study the Atonement. An understanding of the Atonement will bring greater meaning to your trial, and your experiences with sorrow will in turn make the Atonement more meaningful to you. — Name and location withheld

You are not alone

At first, I felt like we were the only ones in the world who were experiencing an emotional roller coaster as we dealt with our situation. As time has passed, I have met many others who have struggled or are struggling with infertility.

Pray, receive priesthood blessings. The Lord desires to strengthen us during times of adversity. If we turn to Him, He will bless us with the strength to endure. There is hope in Christ. He knows us and our individual needs and struggles. He knows the plans for our lives. We have been told that we will not be given a trial that we cannot bear. — Emily Anderson, Cleveland Heights, Ohio

Perhaps not in ways we expect

I have been struggling with secondary infertility since December 1995. After two years of unsuccessful attempts to add to our family of one boy, I decided to have infertility tests. After three initial tests, there showed no signs of damage or obstruction. I soon realized I was trying to build my family according to my own will and not by Heavenly Father's will. In March 1998, we were blessed with the opportunity to adopt my 11-year-old niece and to take her to the Oakland Temple to be sealed to our family on April 18, 1998. This is a perfect example of how some prayers are not always answered in the way we expect. — Myra Marangi, Gardnerville, Nev.

Trust in the Lord's timetable

We gained a great deal of strength by reading our patriarchal blessings. Both of us were promised that we would have a posterity. It takes a lot of faith to trust in our Heavenly Father's timetable and in His promises. Pray together always.

Set mutually agreed upon limits involving how much treatment and when it will stop. If infertility is not approached from a spiritually unified front, it can really pull you apart and bring mental, financial and spiritual exhaustion. — Alison Russell Stromberg, Pocatello, Idaho

Not a punishment

The inability to conceive or bear children is not divine punishment. Rather, it's a trial designed to help us learn, serve others and depend on the Lord.

If you find that you are experiencing symptoms of severe depression, one of infertility's common companions, it is vitally important to seek help. — Ana Shaw, Salt Lake City, Utah