Desire to change

The first step in the process of gaining control of anger is desire. Heartfelt prayer comes next. We cannot accomplish anything without Heavenly Father's help. Controlling anger is no exception. I also suggest the following:

• Begin to work on yourself. Attend all of your meetings, especially general conference. Watch our leaders. Listen to/watch the virtues they extol.

• Study the scriptures. Our Savior is Living Water. Come and experience the wholesome goodness, help and difference this makes in life. Remembering my Elder Brother is my exemplar is a real hope for personal change. His way of handling situations is a goal and process for our learning.

• Go to the temple. Take others who have no other way of going. Regular attendance softens the heart and calms the spirit. This is important. Change comes more quickly. Start today to get your life in order.

• Listen to LDS music. There are plenty of talented musicians in the Church whose goals are to include the Spirit in their works. Feed your spirit with good.

• Delight in reading Church publications. Read all of them.

• Be willing to look for good in everyone. Remember, everyone of us is a son or daughter of our Father in Heaven.

It helps to recognize that situations which will provoke us to anger will be our opportunities to stumble, critique our actions, repent and pray even more for help and the ability to change. Learn to take life slower and in an attitude that more closely befits the Savior's example. — Diane C. DeFranco, Cleveland, Ohio

Professional help

No matter how often I prayed, the habit of spewing forth my emotions like a volcanic eruption prevailed. One day, after an ugly scene with my children, I went to my room where I cried for divine help. Then, I laid my head on the bed and did nothing. During this quiet time my heart heard a still small voice say, "The anger you are experiencing comes from within and has nothing to do with your children. Get counseling."

This was new information. With encouragement from a friend I sought professional help. Given a chance to talk about the traumatic events of my past and to forgive those who had caused them, the inner rage subsided. That was years ago, and I still have what I would call a "spicy temper," but when faced with the temptation to blow up, I remember how Heavenly Father treated me with kindness, love and dignity, even though I felt far from deserving. The good feeling motivates me to follow His example. — Sherry L. Turnblom, Orem, Utah

Only brings trouble

When I was beginning my teenage years, I had trouble controlling my temper. I was helped through the guidance of a principal and counselor who took me under their wings. I began to learn that when I didn't have complete control of my anger, it only brought more trouble to the situation. — Tyler Bangerter, Forest, Va.

Family goal

It took me and my family almost two years to eliminate the anger and yelling. My husband opened a family council meeting with, "We've got to eliminate the yelling and anger in this house." For me, it was a way of life and, thus, became so with our children, too.

We used tactics, such as reminding the angry person with a clue word, as opposed to a sentence or lecture, to make the person aware of his/her anger. Another way was to cool down by praying, listening to soft music, going to our rooms, and then talking. I'd simply say, "I can't respond right now." I also promised my children that I would not get angry with them if they preceded their statements with, "Mom, promise not to get angry with me if I tell you something." However, I remind them that they still have to suffer the consequences of their deeds, but I will forgive them and I won't get angry.

It took almost two years to accomplish this family goal, but we did it. If someone is angry, it's handled with dignity in a way I think Heavenly Father would be pleased with. We have eliminated our yelling at each other. — Sue Roper, Hesperia, Calif.

It's a choice

When a situation presents itself where one would become angry, one must stop immediately and think of the two choices he has control over. He can choose to be angry. Or, he can choose not to be angry. We can choose not to be angry. We do not have control of what happens from other people or things. But we can control our choice. May we always choose not be to be angry. — Semisi Lavaka, Liahona, Tonga