Full, honest tithe

The following are tips from those who survived divorce better than I did:

• Pay a full and honest tithe.

• Meet with a mediator. An official from Utah Dispute Resolution explains, "Mediation will help spouses reach fair financial arrangements while the divorce is pending."

• Avoid pulling money from any assets or investment accounts. You will have to account for this later when marital property is divided.

• Rethink big purchases. You will also have to account for them later.

• Make sure you have adequate health insurance during this time.

• Consider closing joint banking accounts, or at least putting a hold on them.

• Close credit card accounts that are joint. If the card is in your name and your spouse is only an authorized user, have him or her removed.

• List resources for financial assistance.

• Include children in decisions where financial cutbacks affect them.

• Update your resume, evaluate current workforce skills or check into furthering your education.

— Linda Justus, Cedar City, Utah

Keep your standards

The power of prayer and having to rely on a loving Heavenly Father were the best assets. I learned to spend only on necessities. I bought only "real food." No ice cream, chips, cookies, store-bought bread and fast food. We purchased lots of vegetables and I baked my own whole wheat bread. I received wild game and fresh fish from people in our area, and we found ways to cook it so it was delicious.

Keep your standards. Follow the prophets. Pay your tithing the very first with thankfulness for all you have.

By working together — I had seven children, the eldest on a mission at the time of the divorce — and trying our best to live the commandments, we survived and the hardest times financially came and went. Later, I was able to buy a home with two acres, and we had two horses. Every time I think about the past, I am totally amazed at the blessings poured out upon me. — Name withheld, Idaho

Plan for family's needs

• Never forego your spiritual "account" because of concern for your financial one. One day after paying my tithing and then praying for help in feeding my children because court-ordered child support was not being paid, I received a check and interest for a two-year old outstanding bill due me. Then, a local grocery store called to tell me I had won $100 worth of groceries in a drawing. Keep prayer, faith, obedience and hope in Christ's love strong in your life.

• Prayerfully and unselfishly consider your family's needs as you plan ahead before signing a divorce contract. If someone is being named the physical custodial parent and will be receiving child support, is she/he also being named as a beneficiary to a sufficient life insurance plan should the other ex-spouse die and child support were to end? Determine now how mission and college expenses will be handled and have it be a specific part of your divorce contract. Do not depend on verbal promises. Then, abide honestly at all times by your contract, no matter what the other party does.

• Be wise. For your own legal protection, keep copies of all legal documents and document any threatening situations or breaches of contract. Understand, too, that Church officials basically cannot get involved in legal matters concerning your divorce and you will need to rely on the judicial system.

— Name withheld, Missouri

Prioritize finances

When my ex-husband and I first separated, I went through my finances and prioritized. Some bills I could not get rid of, such as the house payment, but I could trade in my new station wagon for a less expensive minivan. Things like cable television and telephone call waiting could also be stopped. This I did immediately, realizing that these things are not necessities and my situation was temporary. I have continued to budget and prioritized as best I can. — Carrie Johnson, Layton, Utah