If successful families are "maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, [and] compassion," how do we establish these attributes of character — which do not spontaneously appear simply because we desire them — in our homes? The answer is embodied in the next principle listed: work.

When we work together as families, doing the ordinary and necessary chores of feeding, clothing, and caring for each other, the above attributes develop as a by-product, according to scripture, modern prophets and other people of good will.

President Gordon B. Hinckley lists working as families as one of four things that can reverse the loss of moral fiber in our communities. "Children need to work with their parents, to wash dishes with them, to mop floors with them, to mow lawns, to prune trees and shrubbery, to paint and fix up, to clean up, and to do a hundred other things in which they will learn that labor is the price of cleanliness, progress, and prosperity." (President Gordon B. Hinckley, "Four Simple Things to Help Our Families and Our Nations," Ensign, September, 1996, p. 7.)

Similarly, President Spencer W. Kimball taught that the temporal work of caring for our homes and families puts the gospel into action in our lives. He said that the principles of welfare service — including love, service, work, self-reliance, sacrifice and accountability — should be applied in our families. He said that when we work cooperatively to grow a garden, for example, we reap more than fruits and vegetables. Such work is essential to character development and strong family relationships. (President Spencer W. Kimball, "Welfare Services: The Gospel in Action," Ensign, November 1977, pp. 76-78.)

The service and sacrifice required to do work binds us to one another. It creates the sense of being a family, as my husband and I learned when we adopted two young brothers from Russia.

Excited to welcome them into our family, we at first treated them as guests and didn't expect them to help with the routine household work.

Before long, we realized this "free ride" had to end. Instead of a spirit of gratitude, it generated a spirit of entitlement. So we required them to join in our family work.

Dima, 9, was particularly reluctant and let us know he would not vacuum or clear the table or do anything else. The first day I asked him to vacuum, he refused. I put his hand on the vacuum handle. He jerked it off. I put it on again; he jerked it off again.

Finally, I held his hand firmly on the handle with my hand over his, and together we vacuumed the living room while he expressed his dissatisfaction.

The next two weekends, Dima and I vacuumed this way, him grimly following along as my hand prevented him from escape. Then one Saturday morning, he got out the vacuum without being asked. Eventually, the pattern of working together was established, and unlike playing together — which the boys did with others as well as us — cleaning our home drew them into a system shared only by our family.

Now the boys work willingly — most of the time. Work has taught them that they are capable, they are needed, and they belong.

When family work is done, President Kimball told parents "to create work." He extended the list of work activities: "Work in the hospital, help the neighbors and the Church custodian . . . do 'baby-sitting' free for neighbor mothers who must work. . . ." (The Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, pp. 63-67.)

I find it interesting that he advocated baby-sitting for free. When children are paid for family work, the service and sacrifice elements of the work may be compromised, becoming more like work done for oneself, for personal reward, than work done for another out of love.

And it is love, after all, that should inspire our work. Working together at home can teach such love and service. As essayist Wendell Berry observes, it is through "all our forms and acts of homemaking" that "love can become flesh and do its worldly work." (Men and Women in Search of Common Ground, in Home Economics: Fourteen Essays, San Francisco: North Point Press, 1987, p. 118.)

Kathleen Bahr, a BYU associate professor in the School of Family Life, Lakeview (Orem) 2nd Ward, serves as Relief Society president. She and her husband, Howard, have four sons.