The lie survived months, then years and decades. He carried it on his mission and into his temple marriage. It drove a wedge between his family and robbed his wife of trust and security. It jeopardized his relationship with God, and controlled then, ultimately, ended his career as a Church employee.

In photo illustration, model depicts that the Savior's Atonement can heal lives as those suffering from sexual addictions seek help.

In photo illustration, model depicts that although recovery is difficult, perseverance will pay off.

In photo illustration, model demonstrates lack of hope experienced by addicts, many of whom lose work, family and future.

For years he justified his lifestyle; he wasn't hurting anyone but himself.

But it is hard to live a lie — to carry the persona of a perfect family man and Church member on the outside while fighting a sexual addiction on the inside, that of indulging in the silent sin of pornography.

In recent years, Latter-day Saint therapists say they have seen "an explosion" of sexual addictions with an impact so drastic that it now affects hundreds of thousands of Americans.

Addressing the problem on national television Nov. 23, 60 Minutes said, "The biggest cultural change in the United States over the past 25 years has been the widespread acceptance of sexually explicit material — pornography."

The network program explained that in the space of a generation, a product that "once was available in the back alleys of big cities has gone corporate, delivered now directly into homes and hotel rooms by some of the biggest companies in the United States."

It is estimated that Americans now spend somewhere around $10 billion a year on pornography, according to 60 Minutes.

And while the problem can affect women, experts say, the vast majority of those addicted to pornography are men.

Church members need only to listen to general conference to understand the seriousness of sexual addictions.

"Pornography is everywhere with its seductive invitation," said President Gordon B. Hinckley this October. "You must turn away from it. It can enslave you. It can destroy you. Recognize it for what it is — tawdry and sleazy stuff created and distributed by those who grow rich at the expense of those who see it."

This week a Latter-day Saint couple agreed to share their battle with a sexual addiction that he traces back to his youth. Through counseling and the power of the Atonement, the wife is finally able to let go of the feelings of betrayal and hurt that plagued her temple marriage from the beginning. They hope others will learn from their decades-long trial and know help and healing are available.

Because this couple has school-age children and he has been subject to Church discipline, the Church News has chosen not to identify them.

"We are so grateful for what has happened in our life [since finding help]," he said. "We are trying to help others. It is not something we feel like we have to hide — we did that already."

As licensed clinical social workers specializing in sexual addiction, Dan Gray and Todd Olson have worked with hundreds of Latter-day Saints fighting the problem. They estimate 8 to 10 percent of Americans are dealing with compulsive sexual behaviors or addictions.

While no formal studies have been conducted, they have talked to hundreds of bishops and stake presidents who all list pornography addiction as their No. 1 concern for Church members.

"We suspect that the LDS community is not any different from the rest of society when it comes to prevalence or magnitude of sexual addictions," said Brother Gray.

With the invention of the Internet — where pornography is accessible, affordable and can be viewed anonymously — they said, they have seen an explosion of these types of addictions.

"We tell people if they have Internet access in their home they already have pornography in their home," said Brother Gray.

And while parents today are immigrants to the computer world, he warned, their children are natives.

Internet tracking and filtering systems are beneficial, he said, but kids — and even their parents — can get around them.

"The majority of our clients start at a very early age," said Brother Olson, noting that with the invention of the Internet, he is now seeing clients who started viewing pornography as middle-age or older adults.

But once addicted, the pattern is usually the same.

"A person's usual activities stop," Brother Olson said. "Sex has taken over their life."

A lifelong Church member and the son of a stake president, his troubles began as a teenager at a sleep-over. By his late teens, he knew that if he needed an escape he could find it by looking at "the female body."

But at 19, he went through a sincere repentance process. He believed he had been cured. He served an honorable and worthy mission and returned to BYU.

In Provo, he found a spiritual bubble that seemed to protect him from the troubles of his teens. He taught at the Missionary Training Center and met a young woman whom he married a short time later in the Salt Lake Temple.

They left Provo and he began a challenging job working as a salesman, paid only on commission. They had a son and the pressure to support the young family became a constant concern.

He found relief in pornographic movies and by calling phone sex lines.

"I could escape through sexual arousal," he said. "I could feel a rush of self-medication. It became a drug inside my body."

Two years into their marriage, his young wife caught him in a lie and he confessed his transgressions.

"That was like a kick in the stomach," she recalled. "I really felt like we had a near-perfect marriage. To realize he was lying shattered the dream."

That started a cycle of addiction that the couple has fought ever since. He would undergo sincere repentance — always with the help of supportive bishops who did not understand the cycle. But "every time the addiction cycle came around, there was something always worse."

Absent serious Church discipline (he was usually placed on probation), she became the moral enforcer in their marriage. At first she didn't mind; she blamed herself for the problem.

"It was very easy to rationalize," she said. "I never told my parents. I was embarrassed and ashamed. I figured if I was not overweight, if I was prettier, if I was a better mom he wouldn't be doing this."

Victor B. Cline, a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of sexual compulsions and addictions, theorizes the "enormous problem" of pornography addiction has the potential to touch almost "every family in the Church."

The problem, he said, is that Latter-day Saints first view pornography — "material that is sexually explicit and intended primarily for the purpose of sexual arousal" — before parents or Church leaders think they will. "The kids don't have a clue," he said. "They get hooked before they fully know what it is."

He recently talked to his grandchildren about the "crocodiles in the swamp." If given the chance, this vicious animal will eat a person alive. "They can outrun you," he tells them. "They weigh a ton and a half."

The weight of the sin is so heavy that men destroy their lives trying to overcome it and then hide it, he said.

Once addicted, a person becomes desensitized and then escalates to "rougher stuff." Ultimately, he said, some sexual addicts act out their fantasies.

It is not a problem that can be overcome without the help of a support group and professional counselor, he emphasized.

"The power of the addiction is so great. It is like a magnet. If you get too close it will suck you in."

For years he searched for help.

"I became a world-class repenter," he said. "I felt like I was the only person out there. I felt totally and completely alone."

He read Church books. He memorized the scriptures; after slipping he became "intensely religious."

And he forced his family into another cycle. After Church leaders learned of his transgressions and his repentance process was complete, he moved his family to a new ward where no one was aware of his problems. He served as a counselor in the bishopric, as elders quorum president, as a gospel doctrine teacher and as ward choir director.

On the outside people viewed the family — which now included four children — as "perfect." But inside the home, things were far from perfect.

The couple's four children witnessed intense fights by their parents; she yelled, he made promises. The children, not knowing about their father's problems, blamed their mother, believing she had "anger issues."

"The image I was selling was dishonest to myself," he said.

He begged his wife to "cut him some slack." After all, he was so good at so many things, why couldn't she allow him some leniency in this one area? "He felt like this is a victimless crime," she said. "He told me that he didn't feel like he was hurting anyone but himself."

Brother Gray said spouses are often the neglected victims of sexual addictions. "They have been betrayed and deceived for many years," he said.

Often, that betrayal is revisited as the addict seeks help. Spouses can receive well-meaning, but ignorant advice. Increased sexual relations in the marriage do not combat the problem — nor is lack thereof the root of the problem, said Brother Gray.

Wives, especially, feel guilty, he said. They lose weight or get breast implants to "try to fix him."

Often they know something is wrong, but remain silent because they don't know what to say or where to turn for help.

Instead, Brother Gray said, "they choose to ignore the elephant standing in the middle of the room."

His life came crashing down around him four years ago. He was working for the Church in his dream job. He was respected in his ward and community.

Things were so good he "transgressed in the face of consequences, sincerely believing I was above the consequences."

Frequently testing and navigating his Internet filter at home, he began to test the system in the Church Office Building. He spent hours trying to outwit the Church's system, unaware his actions were being tracked.

When faced with the evidence, his boss defended him. "Someone else is using his computer," his boss insisted.

But it was too late; it was too hard to keep living the lie. He submitted his letter of resignation and went home. Days later he found the strength to tell his wife.

"That time he could tell a difference in me," she said. "I didn't have anything else to say. I was done."

While she contemplated divorce, she secretly wished he would die. "I wanted him gone where he couldn't hurt me anymore."

She couldn't face friends or neighbors; she went to sacrament meeting in a different ward from her own and sat in the foyer, praying no one would ask how she was.

Their bishop worked diligently to find answers to their problems. He "called and called and called and called. He knew there was something out there that could help."

The bishop found that help in a support group for those fighting pornography.

For the first time in his life, he knew the root of his problem — he was fighting more than moral inadequacies — he was fighting an addiction.

Brother Olson said to understand an addiction it is important to define it. "Addiction is the use of a substance or activity for the purpose of lessening pain or augmenting pleasure by a person who has lost control over the rate, frequency or duration of its use, and whose life has become progressively unmanageable as a result."

Not everyone who views pornography will get addicted, Brother Olson said. Some may have a genetic predisposition toward addictions in general. For the addict, there might be a family history of addiction or compulsive behaviors. The addiction might also hit in adult life due to high stress (a time when genetics and family history are not predisposing factors). Childhood abuse can be another factor, he said.

What happens in sexual addiction, he explained, is that a person becomes dependent on the "neurotransmissions from the brain."

When a person is aroused sexually, adrenaline flows through the body and the brain releases endorphins. The user experiences a high, similar to someone who uses drugs — a high so energizing that it cannot be overcome with "willpower and determination."

The best weapon in this battle, Brother Olson said, is education. "There is a brain problem there," he said. "Every time is their last time. . . . The addict believes, 'I will do it alone.' What they find is that they can't."

Brother Olson said the first step to recovery is to come out of hiding and seek help from those who know about addiction. "Secrecy and lies are the lifeblood of pornography," he said.

For years he didn't receive a birthday, anniversary or Christmas card from his wife. She couldn't stand the sappy messages inside; none seemed to convey the way she felt about him, about the love she had for him and the hate she had for what he did.

After he lost his job with the Church, he was disfellowshiped. She couldn't find the emotional energy to even attend his Church disciplinary council.

Yet after that night — with the help of a support group for Church members with sexual addictions and counseling — "we started along a path of recovery, a path of redemption," she said.

Through the LDS Family Services Addiction Recovery Program, he learned to apply the Savior's Atonement in his own life.

He and his wife also began to understand the problem and its triggers. They spoke to their children. For the first time, they didn't move, instead they faced their friends and neighbors.

He went to work in sales; friends paid their mortgage until they could again scrape by financially.

As he sat outside the temple when their son received his endowments before missionary service, and again when his daughter got married, she began to understand his grief.

As he looked back on his life, he learned his addiction had nothing to do with her — but instead was something he brought to the marriage.

"It is hard to fall off a pedestal," he said, noting his life today feels honest but not comfortable.

And last June, he received an anniversary card from his wife. "It talked about being glad to walk this path together," he said. "I cherish that. That meant a lot. That is hope."

Hope — and healing that accompanies it — has made the Atonement real in their lives, he said.

"My heart was softened, my heart was changed."

E-mail: sarah@desnews.com