Service is Sister Parkin's priority
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As hundreds of women hustled in and out of the LDS Church's Relief Society Building on Wednesday, anticipating today's opening of the faith's 175th Annual General Conference, two from Texas stepped through the doors and were greeted with an unexpected hug from a woman they've never met.
Yet they recognized her without introduction. As general president of the Relief Society for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, it's safe to say Sister Bonnie Parkin meets or speaks to hundreds of thousands of women worldwide each year, whether in person or via satellite.
Completing her third year at the helm of what is believed to be the world's largest women's organization, she understands how LDS women respect her office, but she retains her sense of self.
In doing so, she's perpetuated a personal touch that allows her to connect almost instantly with anyone, according to those who've observed her up close.
She often greets new faces with a hug instead of a handshake.
Eye contact is steady, and tears can well up easily as she recounts stories about women of deep faith or learns of personal misfortune.
As a self-described "most ordinary person you'll ever meet," she speaks to, and listens from, the heart.
Whether at home or in lands devastated by natural disaster, steeped in poverty or oblivious to the growing reach of the faith's 12 million members around the world, Sister Parkin says her greatest joy in the job is "to be with women who want to (serve God) and do it right. They have testimonies, and maybe they want to do it too perfectly." Dedicated to home and family, "they desire to make the world a better place."
Flipping through scores of photos taken on a recent trip through Thailand, Malaysia, Taiwan and Hong Kong, she recalls names and stories of LDS women working to beat the odds: miniscule wages, tiny living quarters, long separation from family and friends, death of a beloved husband.
One makes tiny white gloves, 100 pair for the equivalent of $1.40. Others have left their families in the Philippines and live in Hong Kong, working as domestic help in the homes of the wealthy and sending the money home. "Sometimes their children are grown" by the time they return, she says, her voice and eyes softening with emotion.
Yet another lives widowed at 75 in a tiny flat cold in temperature but "warm with the spirit," serving as the Relief Society president in her Hong Kong ward and mentoring her young counselors. Seeing their collective faith, courage and even joy amid challenging circumstances is a crash course in what a love for Jesus Christ — and the knowledge that he loves them in return — can do for women, she says.
It's a sharp contrast compared to some who seem to have everything going their way but talk of being isolated or sad. "Sometimes there's a lot of focus on our own needs, but when you forget about yourself and go to work, things change."
At the same time, she urges women to develop a balance that goes beyond simply becoming overscheduled. In the past decade, Sister Parkin has seen the "busyness" of women's lives grow dramatically, she says. Taking time to read scripture, ponder, pray and simply be grateful helps keep priorities in focus.
"For me it's an early morning walk," she says, adding, "That sets my day, and I'm a happy camper." When asked if she goes with a friend, she says "no one wants to go as early as I go," but once in a while she'll catch up with a group of friends "who are always there for me. I love it with my friends. Women need to process. We need each others' voices to say 'how do you see this?' Seeing it in a new light" helps her and most women "figure it out," she says.
Yet she realizes some challenges go beyond mere discussion.
Many see wayward children as a reflection of something they failed to do well, but Sister Parkin reminds them "they are not finished yet. I think every family figures our how best to take care of their family, and you can never give up on a child." When LDS Church President Gordon B. Hinckley called her to serve in her current position, she told him her family wasn't perfect. "He looked at me and said, 'Whose is?' You give increased love.
"I really believe you just keep trying. You don't have any judgments on someone who is doing their best, and you don't know that if you haven't walked in their shoes."
With more than 4 million Relief Society women all living different lives, Sister Parkin says she's gained a new perspective on the variety of challenges they face since being sustained in April 2002.
Visiting Washington, D.C., recently, she gathered 10 LDS women ages 19 to 30 together to talk about their needs and how the Relief Society can better serve them. "One of the things they said they need to hear is for us to talk about the reality of life," which for many means they will not marry and/or have children, leaving them to face an uphill battle for self-worth in a family-centered faith.
"They're saying they need to be taught in the church, 'There is a possibility I won't marry,' " and Sister Parkin agrees, adding she believes in "saying it like it is." For such women, finding their place is not a one-time event but a continuing redefinition as they grow older. Because LDS women don't have priesthood authority, bishops, home teachers and other male leaders have the responsibility to provide much-needed blessings, she said.
One woman told Sister Parkin she feels God's love when her home teachers " 'lay their hands on my head to give me a blessing.' It lets them feel those blessings that are theirs."
Motivated male leaders who actively seek input from women and sensitize themselves to their needs open doors of greater understanding and respect, she says. "I think when that happens for women they feel good. I know what that's like for me," she said, noting the interaction between her presidency and the church's Presiding Bishopric.
"They are fine men who listen and take us seriously about the needs of women. They are respectful, and we feel they value our insights. "
President Hinckley has been particularly sensitive to participation and comment from the Relief Society, she said, noting one meeting where her presidency expressed concern about many local Relief Society leaders who weren't meeting regularly with priesthood leaders or being trained in church welfare procedures. The meeting occurred on a Wednesday, and the following Saturday, President Hinckley addressed those specific needs in a general priesthood meeting broadcast widely via satellite, she says.
He also modeled respect by having his secretary call Sister Parkin in the days following his wife's death to ask if the Relief Society building adjacent to Temple Square would be available for Sister Hinckley's viewing. "He didn't need to ask me, but that's the respect" that benefits both those involved and those they serve.
It's one avenue among many that can help each woman come to "know that God loves her and because of that love, she can step forward with confidence to bless herself and to bless others and be happy doing it."
E-mail: carrie@desnews.com
