Among the presenters at BYU's Conference on Family Life was Richard B. Miller, director of the School of Family Life, who spoke on the problem of power struggles in families. He said a national survey showed "the second most common issue that mental therapists said they deal with is issues about control, leadership and power in a marriage." A follow-up study of 160 LDS mental health therapists showed similar results among LDS families.

Using the scriptures, quotes from Church leaders and his own research, Brother Miller shared the following principles in dealing with power struggles within families:

Parents are the leaders in the family — "Discipline is probably one of the most important elements in which a mother and father can lead and guide and direct their children.... Setting limits to what a child can do means to that child that you love him and respect him. If you permit the child to do all the things he would like to do without any limits, that means to him that you do not care much about him" (Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, pp. 340, 341).

Brother Miller said people should not undermine parents' authority with their children and, conversely, "we've got to teach our kids to respect authority."

Parents must be united in their leadership — "If one parent sides with the kid, it creates a coalition against the other parent. That's very, very, very unhealthy," said Brother Miller. In an argument, the parents should side with each other, then privately iron out differences in discipline styles until they come to an agreement.

Parent-child hierarchy eventually dissolves — "Your married life should become independent of her folks and his folks. You love them more than ever, you cherish their counsel, you appreciate their association, but you live your own lives, being governed by your decisions, by your own prayerful considerations after you have received the counsel from those who should give it" (Spencer W. Kimball, March 1977 Ensign, pp. 4-5).

Marital relationship should be a partnership — "A man who holds the priesthood accepts his wife as a partner in the leadership of the home and family with full knowledge of and full participation in all decisions relating thereto.... The Lord intended that the wife be a helpmeet for man (meet means equal) — that is, a companion equal and necessary in full partnership" (Howard W. Hunter, November 1994 Ensign, page 49).

Brother Miller added, "A husband's role as patriarch gives him the responsibility to serve his wife and family.

"The research shows," he said, "that partners with clear power relationships in families make for much healthier families."