One of the largest growing demographics in the Church and around the world is the young single adults. With the average marriage age continuously climbing, many individuals ages 18 to 30 are gaining educations, working as professionals and striving for personal righteousness.

Despite their desire to do good, this group is charting new territory — which is completely foreign to them and their parents.

Being single and out of college is something many parents haven't experienced, for many had married and started a family at the age of their young single adult child.

With a large cultural change since their parents were dating, many young single adults are going through experiences their parents struggle to relate to despite a desire to be involved.

Photo by Rodney D. Boam

Heather Baxter, who is heading to graduate school in the fall, is among the large demographic of young single adults striving to chart life's courses.

"One of the biggest changes is our culture," said Tom Holman, professor of family sciences at BYU. "It is more difficult for young people to feel the support [from outside influences] to get married."

According to a study of dating habits since 1977, our culture has changed dramatically from a support of marriage to a lack thereof, changing views and habits of dating, said Brother Holman.

For the past six decades the average age of marriage for both genders in the U.S. has risen, going from an average of 23 for men and 21 for women in the '50s, to the current average of 27 and 25 respectively. This increase reflects the overall societal attitude change toward marriage. Although the average age for marriage in the Church tends to be a bit younger, it has also gone up in the past few decades.

But with the numbers of young singles growing, and marriage trends moving to later ages, parents of young single adults wonder how to help their children in their dating lives and how much involvement they should have.

Although intentions are good, much of the advice on tactics parents used while they were dating aren't as effective today because of the major culture shift. Parents can still actively be involved in their children's lives, specifically dating lives, without finding them a date.

"I know they want me to be happy," said Heather Baxter, a young single adult from the Logan University 64th Ward, Logan University 8th Stake. "They are a great support system, but it's really different for girls to be so independent. Being 25 years old and single doesn't mean you don't want to be married, it just means it isn't the right time yet."

Along with prayers and cooperation, parents and children can strengthen their relationships during a time of learning and growth.

mholman@desnews.com

Parents can help their young adult children by being a constant support, encouraging when needed and living an example of what to look forward to. Some ways to strengthen relationships given by young single adults include:

Offer a listening ear. By showing single adult children that parents are interested in their life and happiness, parents convey that the single adults are important, regardless of their marital status. Rather than asking if children are dating or not, ask about the good things in his or her life and help him or her recognize the blessings they have. Provide positive feedback.

Let young single adults have their space. Relationships develop, and outcomes are unknown from the beginning. Many single adults said space is often needed as they sort out their own thoughts and feelings, especially when put in vulnerable situations. Be involved, but understand that both parties in a relationship have their agency, sometimes bringing unwanted outcomes.

Support righteous goals and desires. Help progression by supporting involvement in good things like attending an Institute class, singles ward or social activity. Encourage home evening attendance with a singles ward rather than always attending one with the family. One recently married young adult talked about her experience of earning a master's degree, and how not being married encouraged her to get more education, something that she might not have done had she been married younger.

Prepare for marriage. Most parents do a good job of providing a healthy role model in teaching, especially with the gospel perspective. Still, studies show some parents have backed off, not providing support or training for relationships. Parents encourage children to be careful, get an education and a career, to be prepared. "They are training for divorce, rather than for marriage," said Brother Tom Holman. "The most important thing a parent can do is to teach their children values, and then model those values." Teaching principles of good relationships and implementing them in daily life teaches and prepares young adults for when the timing of marriage is right.